“Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” – and curves and bonds (among other things)…

THE BOOK TITLE THAT BECAME A SAYING: “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”        Anita Loos (1893-1981)        U.S. novelist, playwright and screenwriter        This is the familiar short title of Loos’ famous satiric book, first published in 1925. The full title is Gentlemen Prefer Blondes: The Illuminating Diary of a Professional Lady.        Loos’ novel is the faux diary of Lorelei Lee, a young, blonde “golddigger” who goes on the hunt for a rich husband in the U.S. and Europe with her friend Dorothy Shaw. The bestselling novel was adapted as a Broadway musical in 1949, starring Carol Channing as Lorelei. In 1953, that was turned into a movie musical with Marilyn Monroe as Lorelei (wowing audiences with, among other things, her iconic performance of the song “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend”).          The phrase “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” became a modern proverbial saying that has inspired many variations and quips. One was written by Loos herself. Her 1927 sequel to Gentlemen Prefer Blondes was titled But Gentlemen Marry Brunettes. According to some recent public opinion surveys, the majority of men may indeed prefer brunettes over blondes, except when they’re out on the town (or perhaps out of town without their wives).

GINGER ROGERS’ COUNTERQUOTE: “It isn’t that gentlemen really prefer blondes, it’s just that we look dumber.”         Ginger Rogers (playing the character Sherry Martin)         One of Ginger’s quips in the 1936 comedy film Follow the Fleet

THE POSITIVE BODY IMAGE VERSION: “Gentlemen prefer curves.”         The name of a popular Tumblr blog         The blog is intended to be “inspirational to fuller-figured women (and men) who have struggled with their weight, and their body image, to give them confidence and to show that they are beautiful and sexy!”

THE NEGATIVE BODY IMAGE VERSION: “Gentlemen do not prefer scarecrows. A very thin woman may look well in clothes, but without them she doesn’t offer much to hold on to.”        Brigitte Nioche         New York-based fashion consultant, writer and former model        A remark in her 2004 book Dress to Impress that might be a revelation to supermodel Kate Moss, who once infamously said “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

A NOT-SO-FUNNY QUOTE THAT SOME PEOPLE THINK IS A JOKE: “That gentlemen prefer blondes is due to the fact that, apparently, pale hair, delicate skin and an infantile expression represent the very apex of frailty which every man longs to violate.”        Alexander King (1899-1965)        Viennese-born artist, humorist and wit who was a frequent talk show guest on talk shows in the late 1950s and early 1960s (such as The Tonight Show with Jack Paar)        Quoted in The Jumbo Book of Blonde Jokes (2004)

THE AFRICAN AMERICAN VERSION: “Gentlemen Prefer Bronze”        Howard Morehead (c. 1930-2003)        Pioneering African American photographer        Title of his 1964 book of glamour girl photos featuring beautiful black female models        Morehead was one of the first professional photographers to break the color barrier in the entertainment industry. He’s best known for the photos he took of famous black musicians like Billie Holiday and Ray Charles and black leaders like Nelson Mandela, which are featured in the California African American Museum and book titled “I Shot Ray Charles”. Morehead also took “cheesecake” photos of black models for calendars and men’s magazines, many of which were collected in Gentlemen Prefer Bronze. The book was advertised in many men’s magazines of the era and was quite popular. It’s now a hard-to-find collectors’ item.

THE WALL STREET VARIATION: “Gentlemen prefer bonds.”        Andrew Mellon (1855-1937)        American banker and philanthropist who served as U.S. Secretary of the Treasury from 1921 to 1932        Although some sources attribute this quip to rich industrialist Andrew Carnegie, it is most often attributed to Mellon. He appears to have said it in 1929, when stocks were still soaring to absurd levels prior to the great stock market crash that occurred in October of that year. In a seemingly prescient comment on the pre-crash runaway market, Mellon reportedly said: “This market will end when ‘Gentlemen prefer bonds.’”

THE MADISON AVENUE VARIATION: “Gentlemen prefer Hanes.”        Hanes pantyhose advertising slogan          The cleverly suggestive line used in a jingle and as a tagline in ads for Hanes “Ultra Sheer” pantyhose for women. According to the Encyclopedia of Major Marketing Campaigns, the ad campaign with this slogan ran from 1973 to 1989.

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“Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” – but you may eat your own words…

THE INFAMOUS KATE MOSS QUOTE: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”        Kate Moss        British Supermodel         Her controversial response when asked if she had a personal motto, in an interview with Women’s Wear Daily, November 13, 2009

THE STOP-TALKING-OUT-OF-YER-ASS COUNTERQUOTE: “Kate Moss is talking out of her Size Zero backside. Having been in the industry for so long, she knows the impact her comment will have on vulnerable young women.”         Denise Van Outen        British actress, singer and TV celebrity         Her comment on Moss’s quote, in a story published in The Sun, November 19, 2009

THE CINNABON LOVER’S COUNTERQUOTE: “She [Moss] may have a point, but then again she's probably never had a Gino’s East deep-dish sausage-patty pizza or a Cinnabon with extra frosting.”        Jerry Davich        American journalist         An observation in his column in the Post-Tribune, November 21, 2009

THE COCAINE KATE COUNTERQUOTE: “In 2005, Kate Moss was all over the news because of being video-taped partaking in the use of cocaine...Kate might very well have been saying that ‘nothing tastes as good as a bunch of Peruvian flake, especially since there are no calories in cocaine.’ The point is that Kate Moss long ago demonstrated that popular culture should not look to her as a role model.”        Mark Rubi        American journalist and blogger         His take on Moss, in his column on the Examiner.com website, Nov. 22, 2009

THE CATTY CATWALK COUNTERQUOTE: “Why would anyone listen to her because it’s not as if wearing clothes is much of a skill...And walking down a catwalk with a stupid vacuous expression on your coupon is even less of a skill…So nothing tastes as good as skinny feels? How would she know because when was the last time she tasted anything?”        Rikki Brown        Scottish tabloid columnist, blogger and author          In a column in The Scottish Sun, Nov. 23, 2009

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Should “Auld Lang Syne” lyrics be forgot, sing a parody version…

You can read about the origin of the lyrics of “Auld Lang Syne” on my ThisDayinQuotes.com blog. In tonight’s post on QuoteCounterquote.com, I offer some of my favorite alternative lyrics. Happy New Year!

THE GAY LOMBARDO VARIATION: “When Socrates in Ancient Greece Sat in his Turkish bath He rubbed himself, and scrubbed himself And steamed both fore and aft. He sang the songs the sirens sang With Oscar and Shakespeare We’re here because we’re queer Because we’re queer because we’re here. The highest people in the land Are for or they’re against It’s all the same thing in the end A piece of sentiment. From Swedes so tall to Arabs small They answer with a leer We’re here because we’re queer Because we’re queer because we’re here.”         Brendan Behan (1923-1964)        Irish playwright, poet and novelist        The best-known song from his play The Hostage (1958)

THE SARDONIC WORLD WAR I SONG: “We’re here because we’re here because We’re here because we’re here We’re here because we’re here because We’re here because we’re here.”           World War I song of unknown origin, sung by British soldiers to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”

THE DWUNK VERSHUN: “If all the lyrics are forgot Right after the first line Don’t worry ‘cause alone, you’re not That’s how you sing “Lang Syne”! Now all the lyrics are for naught We butcher “Auld Lang Syne”! We drink a couple Jaeger bombs (Now drunk out of our minds!) Now awl the lyrics are forga Wha-eva comes 2 mind (hic!) Shoo awful lyr-er uh uh what? Blah blah blah blah lang syne! (blaaarrgh!)”        The parody song “Old Lame Song”        Posted on the AmIRight.com website by “Red Ant”

THE TEMPERANCE MOVEMENT VARIATION: “Let drinking rum now be forgot, And never brought to mind; Let drinking rum now be forgot, And cider, beer, and wine. For rum and beer we pay full dear, With rosy nose and eyes; We'll take a glass of water now, For sure we're growing wise.”        Anti-drinking song published in the Signal of Liberty newspaper (Ann Arbor, MI) in 1842

YOUR DAY-AFTER RECOVERY REMINDER: “We’re Here Because We’re Not All There!”        Slogan on a button sold by the Wooden U Recover website, which sells “recovery” merchandise to people on the wagon.

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“Religion is the opium of the people.”

THE FAMOUS KARL MARX SOUND BITE: “Religion...is the opium of the people.” (“Die Religion...ist das Opium des Volks.”)        Karl Marx (1818-1883)        German philosopher, historian and “Founding Father” of socialism and communism        From the introduction to his manuscript Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right (1844)        The quote above (sometimes translated as “Religion...is the opiate of the people” or “Religion...is the opium of the masses”) is the familiar condensed sound bite taken from the more nuanced point Marx made in the introduction to his critique of the views of German philosopher Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel (1770-1831). Here’s what he actually wrote: “Religious suffering is, at one and the same time, the expression of real suffering and a protest against real suffering. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions.”

THE OCCUPY WALL STREET VERSION: “Occupy Wall Street...ignited a month ago after a prompt from AdBusters, a not-quite-underground magazine based in Toronto that wraps its anti-corporate message — hyper-consumption is the opiate of the people — in high-definition, high-gloss irony. (It is rather delicious that the counterattack to the vast class war waged for so long by the American right wing and its corporate masters was hatched under Canadian sponsorship. The last time Canada provided such a public service was when it harbored Vietnam-era draft resisters.)”        Editorial in The Boston Phoenix, October 17, 2011

THE OCCUPY WALL STREET VERSION 2.0: “Is talking about the economy becoming the opiate of the classes?”        Rev. Michael Bresciani        American minister, author and conservative columnist        In one of his recent columns on the RenewAmerica website, September 25, 2011

THE ONLINE PORN VERSION: “We might not have free education, healthcare, or affordable housing but at least we have the ‘freedom’ to pay for unlimited access to online pornography. But what is this tawdry freedom really? Surely the masturbating porn audience is a parody of sexuality. Work, consume, masturbate to porn, be silent, die. Pornography is the opium of the people.”        Dr. Abigail Bray        Australian sociologist and author of the book Misogyny Re-Loaded          Comments in an opinion piece published in The Sydney Morning Herald, October 8, 2011

THE ONLINE JOKESTER’S VERSION: “If religion is the opiate of the masses, then what the fuck is opium?”        Mason Lerner        American stand-up comedian and freelance writer        One of the 25 things Lerner said he cares about more than whether the NBA is going to have to cancel some games, in his column on the FasterTimes website, October 17, 2001

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“I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV.”

THE FAMOUS FAUX DOCTOR’S LINE: “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV.”        Used in TV ads for Vicks Formula 44 cough syrup by actors Chris Robinson and Peter Bergman        This now oft-parodied confession was popularized by Vicks Formula 44 commercials that began airing in 1984. The original ads featured Robinson, who was best known at the time for his role as Dr. Rick Webber on the television soap opera General Hospital. In 1986, after Robinson was convicted of tax evasion, he was replaced in the Vicks ads by actor Peter Bergman, who was playing Dr. Cliff Warner on the soap All My Children.        In a 1984 version of the Vicks commercial that’s currently posted on YouTube with some other vintage ads from 1984, Robinson says: “I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV. And, when many adults get a cough, they play doctor at home. They treat their cough with the same medicine they originally bought for their children. They need one of the adult formulas from Vicks, for the coughs adults get, with the strength adults need. Formula 44 for coughs. 44D for coughs with congestion. And, now, Formula 44M for coughs with congestion and a raw irritated throat. The adult formulas. You can't buy anything more effective.”        Bergman’s initial ad for Vicks in 1986 was virtually identical.

A JAB AT A REAL DOCTOR WHO CROSSED THE LINE: “TV’s answer to Web MD, Dr. Mehmet Oz, ran a segment...claiming that his tests found high levels of arsenic in ‘some of the nation’s best known brands of apple juice.’ But because he’s a doctor AND he plays one on TV, the FDA says Dr. Oz’s tests were flawed and that he went overboard on the fearmongering.”         Christopher Robbins        American journalist and editor         In a Sept. 18, 2011 post on the Gothamist website about the recent flap over Dr. Oz’s claim that apple juice contained potentially unsafe levels of arsenic         Food and Drug Administration officials criticized Oz for using tests that do not distinguish between poisonous inorganic arsenic and naturally-occurring organic arsenic, which is found in soil and in many food products in minute levels and is not really a health threat. (If it were, we’d all be dead.)

A JAB AT AN ALLEGEDLY FAUX CHRISTIAN: “In her 2006 book Godless: The Church of Liberalism, pundit Ann Coulter attacked Democrats for being anti-religion and for faking religious faith. However, Coulter apparently is not a member or regular attendee of any church. Perhaps she should offer a disclaimer at every personal appearance: ‘I’m not a Christian, but I play one on TV, radio, and in books.’”        Brian Kaylor         Baptist journalist, blogger and book author        In his book For God’s Sake, Shut Up! Lessons for Christians on How to Speak Effectively (2007)

A JAB AT FAUX FEMINISTS BY A FEMINIST HERO: “I’m Not a Feminist But I Play One on TV”        Susan Faludi         Feminist writer and activist          Title of her oft-cited feminist article published in the March/April 1995 issue of Ms. magazine        In the article, Faludi criticized so-called “third-wave feminists” and female celebrities who appear or claim to be “liberated” but who are more closely aligned with conservative, traditional values and views of women than with the values and views espoused by feisty feminists like Faludi. She called such women “Pod Feminists,” a metaphor based on the “pod people” in the classic sci-fi horror film Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

A JAB AT A “FEMINIST HERO” (WHO’S FAUX IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE): “Heidi Montag may think she’s a feminist, but she definitely doesn’t play one on TV.”        Comment posted on the AolTV site by the editors of Lemondrop.com        The comment is linked to Lemondrop.com’s list of “The 20 Least Feminist TV Characters”        Heidi Montag is best known as the star of MTV’s “reality” series The Hills and for her love of plastic surgery. The Lemondrop.com editors obviously disagreed with a previous New York Times review that had called Heidi “a feminist hero.” (Heidi said she was “very honored” by being given that title.)

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