“Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”

THE OLD SIXTIES SLOGAN: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.”        Charles Dederich (1914-1997)        Founder of Synanon, the 1960s drug rehabilitation organization that morphed into a cult         Most sources credit Charles Dederich with coining this well-known self-help mantra in the 1960s, around the time he founded Synanon. Clearly, it’s use by Dederich and Synanon as a slogan for recovering drug addicts helped popularize the saying. However, Dederich may or may not have created it. It’s one of those sayings that just seem to have been floating around in the 1960s. Many websites and books say it was coined by the legendary Hippie activist/theater group called The Diggers. It was also used by Yippie leader Abbie Hoffman in his 1968 book Revolution for the Hell of It (1968), as the title of a song in the obscure 1968 musical Love Match, and on on everything from head shop posters and greeting cards. I suspect that’s why some sources simply (and perhaps rightly) credit it to “Anonymous.” (Related post: “One day at a time”)

THE “OLD” OPTIMIST’S VARIATION: “Do something outrageous, bold, unlike yourself. If the bathing suit doesn’t fit, skinny-dip. The clock ticketh. To adapt an old philosophy: Today is the youngest day of the rest of your life.”        Susan Swartz        California-based journalist, author and public radio commentator        Advice in her book Juicy Tomatoes: Plain Truths, Dumb Lies, and Sisterly Advice about Life After 50 (2000)

THE AGELESS PESSIMIST’S VARIATION: “Today today is the first day of the rest of your life...and it too will suck.”         T-shirt slogan (on Zazzle.com)

THE WALKING WOUNDED VERSION: “Remember those posters that said, ‘Today is the first day of the rest of your life’? Well, that’s true of every day but one — the day you die.”        Kevin Spacey, as the character Lester Burnham        A poignant quote from the 1999 film American Beauty, spoken as a voiceover by Lester not long before he commits suicide.

THE WALKING DEAD VERSION: “To our newest undead recruits. Good moaning. Today is the first day of the rest of your afterlife.”        Virginia Reynolds (a.k.a. “MsCadavreExquis”)        American author alleged to be the “love child of Marcel Duchamp and Victoria Woodhull”        From the "Deadication" of her book The Art of War for Zombies: Ancient Chinese Secrets of World Domination (2011)

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“A ticket to ride” – from the Beatles to politics to LOLdogs…

THE FAMOUS BEATLES LYRIC: “She’s got a ticket to ride, but she don’t care.”        The Beatles        The well-known line from the chorus of their 1965 song “Ticket to Ride,” featured in their movie HELP!        Like many Beatles songs, “Ticket to Ride” is officially credited to John Lennon and Paul McCartney but was primarily written by one of them (in this case Lennon). The lyrics tell the story of a guy who’s “gonna be sad” because his girlfriend is dumping him and “going away.” It’s a bit unclear what her “ticket to ride” refers to. It could be a ticket on some form of public transportation. It could allude to her relationship with the guy, a “ride” she no longer cares about.        According to many websites and books about the Beatles, Lennon once suggested in his typically cheeky (and often tongue-in-cheek) fashion that he coined the phrase when the band was playing in Hamburg, Germany in the early 1960s. The local prostitutes there had to get regular medical checkups. Those who passed were given a card confirming they had no venereal disease — which Lennon said he dubbed “a ticket to ride.” Another theory in Beatles lore is that “ticket to ride” was a pun about the town of Ryde on the Isle of Wight. One of McCartney’s cousins ran a bar there that he and Lennon visited together, after buying a ticket on the British Railways train to Ryde.

HUNTSMAN’S QUICKLY INFAMOUS CAMPAIGN BOAST: “Ladies and gentlemen, I think we’re in the hunt!...I’d say third place is a ticket to ride, ladies and gentleman! Hello, South Carolina!”        Jon Huntsman         The former Governor of Utah who is a now a former Republican presidential candidate        Comment in a speech on the night of January 10, 2012, after taking third place in New Hampshire’s Republican primary        Huntsman’s use of “ticket to ride” was his attempt at a clever sound bite suggesting that he had the momentum needed to continue his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination in the upcoming South Carolina primary election. Several days later, when polls showed Mitt Romney would likely beat him by a wide margin, Huntsman dropped out of the Republican primary race before the Palmetto State’s primary was held.

STEPHEN COLBERT’S QUIP ABOUT HUNTSMAN: “Yes, he’s got a ticket to ride and we don’t care.”        Stephen Colbert        Host of the Comedy Channel’s Colbert Report TV show         Spoofing Huntsman’s reference to the Beatles’ song on the January 11, 2012 episode of the Colbert Report

A PUZZLER FOR DEEP THINKERS: “If she’s got a ticket to ride, why don’t she care? Why did she buy it in the first place?”         Blogger “Quincy the Wolf”         In one of the “Deep Thoughts” posted in his journal on the OKCupid.com site

A NOT TOO DEEP (BUT VERY CUTE) LOLDOG: “SHE’S GOT A CHICKEN TO RIDE AND SHE DON’T CARE”         Caption on an ihasahotdog.com photo

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“He can run, but he can’t hide.”

THE BROWN BOMBER’S IMMORTAL WORDS: “He can run, but he can’t hide.”        Joe Louis (1914-1981)        American heavyweight boxing champion, nicknamed “The Brown Bomber”         This was Joe’s famous comment about boxer Billy Conn, shortly before their heavyweight title rematch in New York City on June 19, 1946. (Some sources wrongly link it to the first Louis-Conn fight in 1941, which Louis won.) Louis had devastating punches. But Conn was lighter and faster, so there was speculation that “The Pittsburg Kid” could win. When a reporter asked Louis about Conn’s speed, Joe gave his memorable response and it was repeated in news stories throughout the country.           Louis ended up winning the fight by a knockout in the eighth round. The next day, a headline in the New York Times said: “Louis Proves His Own Prediction: Conn Could Run, but Couldn’t Hide.”        Louis’s quip became a commonly-used taunt in the U.S. and other English-speaking countries. Quotation expert Ralph Keyes speculated in his book The Quote Verifier that Louis may have been repeating a line that was already circulating in street talk. And, language maven Barry Popik recently discovered that Louis made a similar remark in 1939. However, even if Louis didn’t coin “He can run, but he can’t hide,” he clearly deserves credit for popularizing it and his most famous use of those words was before his 1946 fight with Conn.

MCCAIN’S OBAMA DISS/MITT KISS VARIATION: “My friends, our message to President Barack Obama is you can run, but you can’t hide from your record of making this country bankrupt, from destroying our national security and for making this nation one that we have to restore with Mitt Romney as president of the United States of America.”        Sen. John McCain        Republican politician, U.S. Senator for Arizona        Remark made by McCain on January 4, 2012 when he endorsed Mitt Romney as the Republican candidate for the 2012 presidential election.

A MCCAIN CRITIC’S COUNTERQUOTE: “McCain can run, but he can’t hide. Well, he can’t so much run as hobble, but he can’t hide. Well, if he ran into a retirement home, he probably could hide among all the octogenarians. But I am sure if we radio tag him, we will be able to find him.”        A reader comment on a news story about McCain’s attempt to pull out of the scheduled presidential debates with Barack Obama during the 2008 presidential election, when he was the Republican presidential nominee. (Posted on the UrbanSwirl.com site.)

THE ONE-LEGGED MAN VERSION: “He can’t run, but he can hide.”        Ben Muessig        Journalist for the Huffington Post and AOL News        Muessig’s punny opening line in a news story about a one-legged man who successfully evaded the police in Orange County, Florida on foot (literally one foot in this case) after driving recklessly through a residential community and smashing his car into a power pole.

GRANDPA BUSH’S KINDA CREEPY FISHING ANECDOTE: “I want to teach Gigi my young granddaughter, how to fish...Out on the boat she is captive. She can squirm, but she can’t hide. I will tell her I love her. And when she asks, ‘Are you crying?’ I’ll say, ‘Yes, but these are tears of joy. Older guys do that, Gigi.’ You can do that kind of thing when you go mackerel fishing.”        George H.W. Bush        Republican politician and 41st President of the United States         Excerpt from a letter Bush wrote in September 1998, published in the book Chicken Soup for the Fisherman’s Soul (2000) by Mark Victor Hansen, Ken McKowen and Dahlynn McKowen

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Should “Auld Lang Syne” lyrics be forgot, sing a parody version…

You can read about the origin of the lyrics of “Auld Lang Syne” on my ThisDayinQuotes.com blog. In tonight’s post on QuoteCounterquote.com, I offer some of my favorite alternative lyrics. Happy New Year!

THE GAY LOMBARDO VARIATION: “When Socrates in Ancient Greece Sat in his Turkish bath He rubbed himself, and scrubbed himself And steamed both fore and aft. He sang the songs the sirens sang With Oscar and Shakespeare We’re here because we’re queer Because we’re queer because we’re here. The highest people in the land Are for or they’re against It’s all the same thing in the end A piece of sentiment. From Swedes so tall to Arabs small They answer with a leer We’re here because we’re queer Because we’re queer because we’re here.”         Brendan Behan (1923-1964)        Irish playwright, poet and novelist        The best-known song from his play The Hostage (1958)

THE SARDONIC WORLD WAR I SONG: “We’re here because we’re here because We’re here because we’re here We’re here because we’re here because We’re here because we’re here.”           World War I song of unknown origin, sung by British soldiers to the tune of “Auld Lang Syne”

THE DWUNK VERSHUN: “If all the lyrics are forgot Right after the first line Don’t worry ‘cause alone, you’re not That’s how you sing “Lang Syne”! Now all the lyrics are for naught We butcher “Auld Lang Syne”! We drink a couple Jaeger bombs (Now drunk out of our minds!) Now awl the lyrics are forga Wha-eva comes 2 mind (hic!) Shoo awful lyr-er uh uh what? Blah blah blah blah lang syne! (blaaarrgh!)”        The parody song “Old Lame Song”        Posted on the AmIRight.com website by “Red Ant”

THE TEMPERANCE MOVEMENT VARIATION: “Let drinking rum now be forgot, And never brought to mind; Let drinking rum now be forgot, And cider, beer, and wine. For rum and beer we pay full dear, With rosy nose and eyes; We'll take a glass of water now, For sure we're growing wise.”        Anti-drinking song published in the Signal of Liberty newspaper (Ann Arbor, MI) in 1842

YOUR DAY-AFTER RECOVERY REMINDER: “We’re Here Because We’re Not All There!”        Slogan on a button sold by the Wooden U Recover website, which sells “recovery” merchandise to people on the wagon.

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“All I want for Christmas is…”

THE CLASSIC CHRISTMAS NOVELTY SONG: “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, My two front teeth, see my two front teeth. Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth, Then I could wish you ‘Merry Christmas.’”        Donald Gardner (1913-2004)        American music teacher and songwriter        The chorus of his song “All I Want for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth),” written in 1944, first recorded and made famous by Spike Jones and His City Slickers in 1948        There are two similar but slightly different stories about how Gardner came to write this famous song during the holiday season of 1944, when he was a music teacher at an elementary school in Smithtown, New York, on Long Island. One story about the origin of the song quotes Gardner as saying he heard some kids telling their teacher what they wanted for Christmas that year and noticed they “were all using the same phrase, ‘All I want for Christmas.’” Then, recalled Gardner, “the teacher said something funny and they all laughed, and I noticed that 16 of the 22 in the class were missing their front teeth.” According to another version, Gardner had asked the class of 22 second grade students to help him create a Christmas song by telling him how they would complete the sentence, “All I want for Christmas is...” As they answered, he noticed that 16 of them had noticeable lisps because they were missing one or both of their front teeth. After Gardner wrote the song, the Smithtown students performed it at the annual school Christmas pageant. A local woman who worked for the Witmark music publishing company told her boss about it and Witmark published sheet music for the song. It was first recorded in 1948 by Spike Jones and His City Slickers, with band member George Rock singing it in a falsetto child’s voice with a whistling lisp. Their recording was released on December 6, 1948 and soon hit #1 on several Billboard music charts. The song went on to become a modern Christmas classic that almost everyone knows — and that continues to be the inspiration for quips and parodies.

THE JEWISH CHRISTMAS WISH VERSION: “Of my choices for St. Nick Seinfeld, Zach Braff and Jon Stewart Are the boys with a big schtick. ‘Cause I just want them here tonight Holding on to me so tight I’ll take Zac Efron too All I want for Christmas is Jews.”        The HOT BOX comedy troupe’s parody song “All I Want For Christmas is...Jews”

THE SHAUN WHITE NUDE PICS VERSION: “All I want for Christmas is for naked pictures of Shaun White to stay unpurchased and unpublished.”        Richard Langford        Columnist for the Bleacher Report website        His comment in an article about TMZ’s revelation that X-rated photos of professional snowboarder and skateboarder White having sex with a female fan were being shopped around to the highest bidder

THE GUN-TOTIN’ TODDLERS VERSION: “All I want for Christmas is an AR-15 with an attached grenade launcher...huh? Wait a sec, that’s not how the song goes! Or is it?…At the Scottsdale Gun Club in Arizona, kids (and adults) can get their pictures snapped with Santa and an automatic weapon of their choice – or several automatic weapons of their choice. So much for a Silent Night.”        Jacqueline Burt        American magazine writer, book author and blogger        In a post in her column on The Stir website

SNOOKI’S CHRISTMAS TEAT TWEET: “All I want for Christmas is big knockers like @JENNIWOWW. Thanks Santa.”         Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi         Cast member of the MTV “reality show” Jersey Shore         Her message to Santa in a much-publicized tweet on her Twitter page

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Kwanzaa from QuoteCounterquote.com!

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