“I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy.” Lloyd M. Bentsen (1921-2006) U.S. Senator from Texas and 1988 Democratic candidate for Vice President This legendary put down was unleashed by Bentsen against Republican vice-presidential candidate Senator Dan Quayle in their televised debate on October 5, 1988. Prior to the debate, Quayle had been defending his relative youth and lack of experience by comparing himself to the young John F. Kennedy. Bentsen was ready to pounce if Quayle mentioned Kennedy in the debate. Sure enough, Quayle answered a question from journalist Tom Brokaw by saying: “I have far more experience than many others that sought the office of Vice President of this country. I have as much experience in the Congress as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency.” Bentsen responded with his famous “You’re no Jack Kennedy” zinger, creating a new formula for an insult that has been used ever since.
THE SARAH PALIN VARIATION:
“I know Sarah Palin. I respect Sarah Palin. And with all due respect - Christine O’Donnell is no Sarah Palin.” Republican media pundit Bill Kristol Comment to CNN on September 13, 2010, dissing Connecticut Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell a few days before she defeated Republican Party favorite Mike Castle in the state’s Republican primary election. O’Donnell had been publicly endorsed by Sarah Palin.
RONALD REAGAN’S QUIP:
“This fellow they’ve nominated claims he’s the new Thomas Jefferson. Well, let me tell you something. I knew Thomas Jefferson. He was a friend of mine. And Governor, you’re no Thomas Jefferson!” President Ronald Reagan (1911-2004) His joking comment about Democratic Presidential nominee Bill Clinton (and his own age) in an address at the Republican National Convention, August 17, 1992
A REAGAN DAUGHTER’S VERSION:
“The 2008 [Republican] presidential candidates try to imitate my father and proclaim themselves more Reaganesque than their competitors. Where is Lloyd Bentsen when you need him? ‘I knew Ronald Reagan…Senator [or Governor], you’re no Ronald Reagan.’” Patti Davis Actress, author and daughter of Ronald and Nancy Reagan In an op-ed in Newsweek, December 29, 2007
HARRY TRUMAN’S DAUGHTER’S VERSION:
“I would say to George Bush, ‘You are no Harry Truman.’” Margaret Truman (1924-2008) Daughter of President Harry Truman Her response to comments by President George H. W. Bush comparing himself to President Harry Truman, during the 1992 Presidential campaign
THE AL GORE FARMBOY VARIATION:
“Al, I was an Iowa farmboy. Iowa farmboys are friends of mine, and you’re no Iowa farmboy.” Republican National Committee Chair Jim Nicholson Quote in an RNC press release (March 17, 1999) responding to Vice President Al Gore’s claim that he did a lot of farm work as a young man, such as cleaning out “hog waste with a shovel and a hose.” Nicholson added: “Mr. Vice President, with all due respect, you’re shoveling a lot more of it right now than you ever did back then.”
“There’s no one who wants this thing over more than I do. I’d like my life back.” BP CEO Tony Hayward Tone deaf comment to a reporter on May 30, 2010 about British Petroleum’s Deepwater Horizon oil rig disaster and the resulting massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico
“Americans watched as BP’s Tony Hayward looking pitifully into television cameras exclaiming to the world that he ‘wants his life back’, totally forgetting about the 11 lives that were lost on the Deepwater Horizon on April 20, 2010…To the rest of us who heard him speak, it’s crystal clear that money does not bring back life and neither does a millionaire’s self-pity.” Journalist Gregory Boyce Post on the Examiner.com site, June 21, 2010
LENO’S COUNTERQUOTE:
“BP CEO Tony Hayward said he would just like to get his life back. He wants to get his life back! You know, I say give him life plus 20.” Jay Leno On The Tonight Show, June 8, 2010
BP SONG VARIATION:
“BP wants their life back. BP wants a little break. BP’s had their fill of this nasty spill And it’s slimed their precious corp’rate name... ‘Can’t we get back to just making money? Can’t we get back to a simpler time When we weren't held accountable for the nature of our crimes?” Songwriter Mick Terry In his sardonic song “BP Wants Their Life Back”
“A sick mind is a terrible thing to waste.” Movie critic Richard Corliss In his negative review of the psychokiller movie Copycat (1995)
GRAMMARIAN’S QUIBBLE:
“The Fund [UNCF] has a slogan that reads, ‘A mind is a terrible thing to waste.’ But while one understands the intent of its worded content, the manner in which the slogan is worded makes for light wonderment in semantics as to whether a mind really is a ‘terrible thing’? Should it not then be, ‘It’s a terrible thing to waste a mind’?” Guyanese journalist Emile Mervin In an article in the Guyana Gazette, Feb. 26, 2006
COMPOSTER’S VARIATION:
“Compost...because a rind is a terrible thing to waste!” Title of a composting manual by Jean Bonhotal and Karen Rollo Published by the Cornell University Waste Management Institute (1996)
INFAMOUS QUAYLE BLOOPER:
“When you take the UNCF model that, what a waste it is to lose one’s mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful, how true that is.” Dan Quayle Vice President of the United States (1989-1993) Speech at the United Negro College Fund, May 9, 1989 What a Waste It Is to Lose One's Mind is the title of an unauthorized “autobiography” of Quayle
“I am not an animal! I am a human being!” John Hurt as John Merrick, “The Elephant Man” In the film version of The Elephant Man (1980) Based on the 1977 play by Bernard Pomerance
THE PENGUIN’S COUNTERQUOTE:
Danny DeVito (as The Penguin):“I am not a human being. I am an animal!” In the movie Batman Returns (1992)
NIETZCHE’S VERSION:
“I am not a human being. I am dynamite.” German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) Ecce Homo(written in 1888, published in 1908)
THE PRODUCERS’ VERSION:
Gene Wilder (as Leo Bloom):“Actors are not animals. They’re human beings.” Zero Mostel (as Max Bialystock):“They are? Have you ever eaten with one?” In Mel Brooks’ movie The Producers (1968)
MST3K VARIATION:
Tom Servo:“I am not an animal. I am a rubber model!” One of the quips Tom made on Mystery Science Theater 3000while watching a stop-motion dinosaur in the 1951 movie, Lost Continent
“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” George Santayana (1863-1952) Spanish-American philosopher, poet and novelist In his book The Life of Reason, Volume I (1905) This line was used by Walter Shirer as the epigraph of his book Rise and Fall of the Third Reich (1959) Often misquoted with the ending “doomed to repeat it.”
STOP MISQUOTES COUNTERQUOTE:
“A deliberately incorrect Google search (with search terms Santayana, ‘remember history’ and ‘doomed to repeat’), yielded 269 Web pages misquoting Santayana (‘Those who cannot remember history are doomed to repeat it.’). Those who cannot remember quotations are condemned to paraphrase them.” A reference librarian who blogs as “denseatoms” On the NowPublic.com site
JANE ACE COUNTERQUOTE:
“Those who cannot forget the past are doomed to remember it.” Jane Ace (1897-1974) American comedienne, wife and comic partner of Goodman Ace One of her famous malaprops on the couple’s Easy Aces radio show (1930-1945)
BUFFY’S VARIATION:
“You know what they say. Those of us who fail history, doomed to repeat it in summer school.” Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) In the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer From the episode "After Life" (Season 6, Ep. 3), first aired Oct. 9, 2001
BUFFY FAN VARIATION:
“Those who cannot forget the past are doomed to watch it — endlessly — in syndication.” Article on the fall TV season in TV Guide, 1985 (Image by Chicago artist Stacia Yeapanis)
“The right tool for the right job.” Ad slogan used for True Temper tools since at least 1907 This may not have been the first use of the saying, but it did help popularize it in America.
THE SEXY VERSION:
“When it come to lovin’ Honey, mama, I’m the one you want Well, I may not be the best lookin’ But I’m the right tool for the job.” David Lee Roth American rock music vocalist In his song “Right Tool for the Job,” on the DLR Band album (1998)
THE UNSEXY VERSION:
“Even if one’s intentions are good, the wrong tool for the wrong task is the wrong tool for the wrong task. Sex in an incorrect circumstance is not useful, no matter how good it feels.” Joshua Miller The Heart of Love (2009)
CRIMINOLOGY VARIATION:
“The criminal justice system is a tool – one of several – for promoting national security, for protecting our country against terrorism. Sometimes it's the right tool; sometimes it’s the wrong tool.” U.S. Assistant Attorney General David Kris Speech at the Brookings Institution, June 2010
THEOLOGY VARIATION:
“Perhaps it is time for atheists and anti-theists to take a break from the God arguments. In a way, by continuing the debates, they also continue to reinforce belief in God by theists, because the more they argue against it, the more their opponents lash back with their vehement responses for it. Why? Because they are using the right tool for the wrong job, like using cold reason to sympathize with a person in duress.” Kris Hartung Post on the Project Reason website, July 24, 2009
“Nothing can be created from nothing.” (“Nil posse creare de nilo.”) Lucretius (c. 99-55 B.C.) Roman philosopher and poet De Rerum Natura (On the Nature of Things)
CELEBRITY FAME COUNTERQUOTE:
“Fame sometimes hath created something of nothing.” Thomas Fuller (1608-1661) British clergyman and historian The Holy State and the Profane State (1642)
AD MAN’S VERSION:
“If you can supply something that stimulates conspicuous consumption, you can create something from nothing.” Patrick Hanlon American advertising consultant and writer Primal Branding (2006)
GOVERNMENT VERSION:
“The government can create something from nothing. It can spend more than it collects in taxes. If there are private savings lying fallow, the government can borrow them. If there are no such savings, it can borrow from itself (by simply printing more money).” Prof. David Schweickart American philosopher and mathematician Against Capitalism(1996)
DRILL, BABY, DRILL VARIATION:
“Just as something cannot be created from nothing, truth cannot be revealed by falsehood. Belief never yields knowledge...Public policy based on mere beliefs or opinions sooner or later crashes headlong into the wall of reality causing disastrous consequences.” Prof. John Kozy Centre for Research on Globalization Post on the GlobalResearch.ca website, May 16, 2010
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