December 7, 2012

“Never let them see you sweat.”


ADVICE FROM THE CLASSIC COMMERCIALS:

“Never let them see you sweat.”
       Tagline used in TV commercials for Dry Idea antiperspirants 
       This well-known "neverism" (to use the great term coined by quote maven Dr. Mardy Grothe), was popularized by a series of Dry Idea ads that ran from the mid-1980s to the early 1990s. The series featured various celebrities, including fashion designed Donna Karan, model and actress Lauren Hutton, football coach Dan Reeves and comedian Elayne Boosler. Each one talked about three “nevers” for their profession — the third of which was always: “Never let them see you sweat.”
       For example, Karan said: “There are three nevers in fashion design. Never confuse fad with fashion. Never forget it’s your name on every label. And, when showing your lines to the press, never let them see you sweat.”
       The catchy slogan is credited to veteran ad man Phil Slott, who was then at the BBDO agency. Slott was especially hot at the time, having also recently coined the Navy recruiting ad slogan: “It’s not just a job, it’s an adventure.”


ADVICE FOR MEN:

“At a health club, you could meet business contacts, friends, and, most important, future dates. So, ‘never let them see you sweat’ too much! P.S. Have your hairy back waxed, and no grunting like a farm animal when you’re lifting heavy weights.”
       Frank Vincent
       American actor, musician, writer and producer
       Some of the manly tips in his 2007 book A Guy's Guide to Being a Man’s Man (written with Steven Priggé)


ADVICE FOR TEENAGERS:

“Never let them see you sweat. If you lose your cool, you lose your power. Where parents are concerned, indifference is your greatest weapon. If they’re having temper tantrums and laying down all sorts of ridiculous rules, don’t argue. Don’t show any reaction at all. This drives them nuts. When they’re finished, calmly suggest that it might be better to have this discussion when they’re feeling more rational.”
       Sandra and Harry Choron
       In their Book of Lists for Teens (2002)
       The Chorons include this in the list “10 Tips for Raising Well-Adjusted Parents.”


ADVICE FOR SPIES:

Q (actor Desmond Llewelyn): “I’ve always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed.”
James Bond (Pierce Brosnan):
“And the second?”
Q:
“Always have an escape plan.”
       In the film
The World Is Not Enough (1999)


ADVICE FOR STONERS:

“The best way to hide from people that you’re high is to never let them see you sober.”
      
Comment posted by “tyorke” on GrassCity.com    
       In the discussion thread “Are you a functioning stoner?” (Art by R. Crumb.)

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November 24, 2012

“Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.” (“It is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country.”)


THE FAMOUS PATRIOTIC LATIN QUOTATION:

“Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori.”
(“It is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country.”)

      
Horace (Quintas Horatius Flaccus; 65-8 B.C.) 
       Roman poet 
       From his poem
“Dulce Et Decorum Est,” in Odes, Bk. III, No. 2 (35 B.C.)
       This is one of the two most famous quotations from Horace’s Odes. (The other is “Carpe diem.”) The Latin word decorum has been variously translated as fitting, honorable, glorious and becoming. In the poem, Horace muses on patriotism and cowardice, saying: 
    
  ”It is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country. 
       Yet death chases after the soldier who runs, 
       and it won’t spare the cowardly back 
       or the limbs, of peace-loving young men.” 
Before becoming a poet, Horace briefly served as a soldier in the army of Brutus, one of the assassins of Julius Caesar. Marc Antony and Octavian (later Augustus Caesar) defeated Brutus at the Battle of Philippi in 42 B.C. It seems a bit ironic, given Horace’s brave words in “Dulce Et Decorum Est,” that he threw down his shield and fled the battlefield during the Battle of Philippi to save himself from death. After Augustus declared amnesty for Romans who served in armies used against him, Horace became a clerk in the government treasury and a poet in his spare time. His Odes, published in four volumes between 23 B.C. and 13 B.C., are considered to be among the greatest works of classic Latin literature. 


WILFRED OWEN’S FAMOUS POETIC COUNTERQUOTE:

“The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.”

      
Wilfred Owen (1893-1918)
       British poet and soldier in World War I
       In his poem
“Dulce et Decorum Est”
       Owen’s lines calling the patriotic quote by Horace “The old Lie” are nearly as famous as Horace’s original words. Owen volunteered for the British Army during World War I, but quickly became disillusioned by the horrors of The Great War, which included terrible carnage caused by modern guns and mustard gas. In the summer of 1917, Owens was sent to Craiglockhart War Hospital in Edinburgh to be treated for severe shell shock. While there, he wrote “Dulce et Decorum Est” and other moving poems that were published posthumously, years later. His famed “old Lie” lines come at the end of the poem, which describes the horrific effects of mustard gas on a fellow soldier: 
 
     “If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood 
       Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs, 
       Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
       Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, 
       My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
       To children ardent for some desperate glory, 
       The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est 
       Pro patria mori.”

On November 4, 1918, a few months after returning to active service, Owens was killed in action at the age of twenty-five — just seven days before the war ended.


THE FAMOUS PATTON MOVIE QUOTE:

“I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country.”
      
General George S. Patton (as played played by actor George C. Scott)
      
In the 1970 film Patton (screenplay by Francis Ford Coppola and Edmund North)
       This well known quote is from a speech Patton (Scott) gives at the beginning of the film, while standing in front of a giant American flag. The movie speech is based on
a real speech Patton gave to American troops before D-Day on June 5, 1944. However, the famous movie quote is not in the recorded version of Patton’s 1944 speech.


A HISTORIAN’S OBSERVATION:

“Should America have gone to war after Pearl Harbor and should the French and British have decided to stop Hitler in 1939?...It is not sweet to die for one’s country. It is bitter. But it can be noble.”
      
Noel Annan (1916-2000)
       British educator, historian and critic 
       In his review of the book Wartime: Understanding Behavior in the Second World War by Paul Fussell (1989), published in the New York Review of Books, September 28, 1989. (Annan felt Fussell’s book had an overly simplistic, anti-war slant.)


MAJOR MULDOON’S OBSERVATION:

“Years ago some one wrote...‘Tis sweet to die for one's country. The writer hereof, in this contribution to his country's warlike literature, begs leave to differ with the cheerful idiot who originated that assertion. It is not sweet to do any such thing. Of course the writer has not died for his country to any great extent, so that he speaks not from actual experience. Yet he has seen several others die for their country and they seemed not to like it a bit.”
       Major H.A. Muldoon
       A possibly fictional American Civil War veteran
       In the story
“The Gun Shy Warrior,” published in Camp-fire Sketches and Battle-field Echoes (1886)


HEMINGWAY’S NOTES ON THE NEXT WAR:

“They wrote in the old days that it is sweet and fitting to die for one’s country. But in modern war there is nothing sweet nor fitting in your dying. You will die like a dog for no good reason.”
      
Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
       American novelist and journalist
       In his article
“Notes on the Next War,” published in Esquire magazine, Sept. 1935 
       Hemingway wrote this piece at a time when he opposed American involvement in the growing European tensions and conflicts created by Hitler and Mussolini. He said:
       “War is made or planned now by individual men, demagogues and dictators who play on the patriotism of their people to mislead them into a belief in the great fallacy of war when all their vaunted reforms have failed to satisfy the people they misrule. And we in America should see that no man is ever given, no matter how gradually or how noble and excellent the man, the power to put this country into a war which is now being prepared and brought closer each day with all the premeditation of a long planned murder. For when you give power to an executive you do not know who will be filling that position when the time of crisis comes.”
        By 1941, Hemingway had changed his mind and supported America’s involvement in World War II.

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November 17, 2012

“The opera ain’t over till the fat lady sings.”


THE FAMOUS SPORTS QUOTATION:

“The opera ain’t over till the fat lady sings.”
      
Dan Cook (1926-2008)
       San Antonio sports journalist and broadcaster
       Cook is widely credited as the person who popularized this saying, though he probably didn’t coin it. According to a June 3, 1978 article in the Washington Post (
cited by many sources), Cook first used it in his regular sports column in the San Antonio Express-News around 1975 or 1976.
       In 1978, he said it during a sports show on San Antonio’s KENS-TV, while discussing the Washington Bullets basketball team. Bullets coach Dick Motta heard Cook say it and started using the line himself when talking about his team’s odds of winning the NBA championship that year. It soon became a popular slogan among Bullets fans. When the Bullets won the championship on July 7, 1978, Motta crowed: “The Fat Lady is singing.” Dan Cook later said that the lady he envisioned was an iconic, hefty female opera singer, the popular image many people have of characters like
Brunnhilde in Richard Wagner’s Götterdämmerung).
       The opera version of the saying may have been inspired by an earlier one used by African-Americans in the southern United States:
“Church ain’t out till the fat lady sings” (a humorous reference to the sometimes plump ladies who sang hymns at church services).


THE TWINKIE OFFENSE:

“The fat lady – the one who apparently ate too many 150-calorie, nutrition-free Twinkies – has sung...Hostess announced early this morning that it would ‘promptly’ liquidate the company immediately and lay off its nearly 19,000 workers. The trigger was a strike this month by members of the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union. ‘We deeply regret the necessity of today's decision," Hostess said in a statement, "but we don't have the financial resources to weather an extended nationwide strike.’”

      
David A. Kaplan 
       American journalist
     In a CNN/Fortune article about the news that Hostess Brands, maker of Wonder Bread, Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, and Twinkies, the “Golden Sponge Cake with Creamy Filling,” was planning to shut down due to financial woes and placing the blame on its union workers.



THE FEDERAL DEBT DEBATE VARIATION:

“It isn’t over until the Tea Party squeals.”
      
Taylor Marsh 
       Political analyst and blogger 
       A comment
on her blog about the debate over America’s federal debt problem and the reluctance of Republican conservatives to increase taxes as part of the solution.



THE FRENCH BIKE RACE VARIATION:

“[The] Tour de France...has been marred for years by performance-enhancing drug scandals. Forget ‘it ain’t over till the fat lady sings.’ In this event, ‘it ain’t over till the urine-sample lab results come back.’”
      
Greg Cote
       Sportswriter for the Miami Herald
       A quip about illegal “doping” by professional bike racers,
in a sidebar of his sports column in July 2011



THE JAPANESE BASEBALL VERSION:

“When the game is over, a fat lady will sing to us!” 
       A Japanese interpreter’s translation of the famed saying, as shown in subtitles, in the movie
Mr. Baseball (1992)


THE LAST RITES VERSION:

“It ain’t over till the fat priest reads extreme unction over your almost corpse. Oh, I forgot, the correct term has been changed from ‘extreme unction.’ Now it has been watered down to something like ‘anointing of the sick.’ God forbid that anyone might imply that the poor soul might actually be dying.”
      
David Skibbins
       American novelist and psychotherapist 
       Lines spoken by a character in Skibbins’ mystery novel The Hanged Man (2008)
       The quip refers to the Vatican II edicts issued by Pope Paul VI in 1965, which changed the name of the last rites Catholic priests give to dying people from the traditional phrase “Extreme Unction” to the nicer-sounding modern version,
“Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick.”

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October 29, 2012

Things that would happen if God wanted it...


THE OLD CLICHÉ:

“If God wanted us to fly he would have given us wings.” 
      
A proverbial saying of anonymous origin 
       This familiar line is widely used
as either a serious comment or a joking remark about scientific and technological innovations or social actions and beliefs that go against tradition. It is sometimes given with meant or intended in place of the word wanted, or with man and him in place of us. The various formulations of the saying — and paraphrases of it — are employed to make or to mock pronouncements about the wisdom or acceptability of certain things.


THE DISCOURAGED VOTER’S VIEW:

“If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates worth voting for.” 
      
“The Dissenting Democrat” (pen name of a liberal progressive political blogger)
       This quote,
posted on the Dissenting Democrat’s blog, sums up the opinion of American voters who don’t particularly like the latest candidates from either major political party. The post says the line has been attributed to journalist Molly Ivins and to progressive political gadfly Jim Hightower. It’s essentially a variation of the better-known quotation “If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates,” a quip generally credited to comedian Jay Leno.


THE DISCOURAGED DIETER’S VIEW:

“If God wanted us to lose weight, He would have made celery a comfort food.”
      
Scott “Q” Marcus
       Blogger and self-described “THINspirational speaker”
       In a
post on the dieters advice site ThisTimeIMeanIt.com.
       (Faux TIME cover from
www.fathead-movie.com.)


ROD’S TAKE ON HATHA YOGA:

“Surely if God had meant us to do yoga, he would have put our heads behind our knees.”
      
Rod Stewart
       British rock star
       One of the most widely-quoted lines from his recent book Rod: The Autobiography (2012)
       Stewart wrote that he came to this conclusion after someone tried to teach him a few fundamental yoga postures. “As I was attempting to master a beginner's level ‘balancing table’ position,”
he recalled, “I fell over into the fireplace.”


SEAN’S TAKE ON HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE:

“Heterosexual marriage is just wrong. I mean, if God had meant men and women to be together, he would have given them both penises.”
      
Sean Hayes 
       American actor
       His quip, as
the character Jack McFarland, in the “An Affair To Forget” episode of the NBC sitcom Will & Grace. (Season 2, Episode 19)

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October 17, 2012

“I see dead people.” (The famous quote that gets reincarnated regularly.)


THE MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTE:

“I see dead people.”
      
Haley Joel Osment (playing the psychic young boy Cole Sear)  
       His famous line in the film The Sixth Sense (1999)
       The boy reveals his ability to see dead people to child psychologist Malcolm Crowe, played by Bruce Willis, in
a spooky scene that immortalized the soon widely-parodied phrase. When Crowe asks if he means dead people in graves or coffins, the boy shakes his head ‘no’ and explains: “Walking around like regular people. They don’t see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don’t know they’re dead...They’re everywhere.”


PAUL KRUGMAN’S ‘I SEE BLIND POLITICIANS’ VARIATION:

“Mitt Romney doesn’t see dead people...The reality, to which Mr. Romney is somehow blind, is that many people in America really do die every year because they don’t have health insurance…The Romney-Ryan position on health care is that many millions of Americans must be denied health insurance…At the same time, of course, Mr. Romney and Mr. Ryan are proposing trillions of dollars in tax cuts for the wealthy. So a literal description of their plan is that they want to expose many Americans to financial insecurity, and let some of them die, so that a handful of already wealthy people can have a higher after-tax income.”
      
Paul Krugman
       American economics professor and political columnist
       In
his October 14, 2012 op-ed column in the New York Times, titled “Death by Ideology”


THE ‘KRUGMAN’S A DEAF, DUMB & BLIND IDIOT’ COUNTERQUOTE:

“I’m assuming Paul Krugman DOES see dead people both the present and future deceased which makes him not only delusional but a delusional with the gift of clairvoyance. I won’t attempt to demean you with a rhetorical question: you’re not a doctor and while you may have a working knowledge of the future of healthcare in this country, to put it in its least offensive form, you’re deaf, dumb, and blind to the realities of the practice of medicine on a national scale.” 
      
Huffington Post reader “grkorbel”
 
       In a comment he posted about Paul Krugman’s
“Death by Ideology” op-ed


THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S VERSION:

“Bogus psychics and mediums…like TV’s ‘Miss Cleo’…might tell you, ‘I see dead people,’ but in reality, all they’re seeing is dollar signs.”
      
Duane Swierczynski
       American writer and editor
      
In his book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Frauds, Scams, and Cons


THE JUST PLAIN DUMB VERSION:

“I see dumb people…They’re everywhere.”
      
A popular humorous variation used on t-shirts, posters and thousands of Internet posts


THE NATTY DREADLOCKS VERSION:

“I see DREAD people”
      Punning
T-shirt and poster slogan that uses a term associated with dreadlocked Rastafarians, like Bob Marley

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October 3, 2012

“I have seen the future and it works.” (But not in the future.)


LINCOLN STEFFENS’ FAMOUS QUOTE ABOUT THE FUTURE:

“I have seen the future and it works.”
      
Lincoln Steffens (1866-1936) 
       American “muckraking” journalist and social activist 
       Remark in
a letter to Marie Howe, dated April 3, 1919, about his visit to Soviet Russia. Russia had recently become the first major Communist nation, adopting a political system based (theoretically) on the doctrines of Karl Marx. At the time, many liberal activists like Steffens believed that such a Socialist system would be good for the majority of citizens and should be adopted by other countries.
       Steffens used several versions of his famous controversial prediction over the years. One of the most cited variations comes from
his 1931 autobiography. In that, Steffens wrote that American businessman Bernard Baruch once said to him, “So you’ve been over into Russia?, and he replied: “I have been over into the future and it works.” Steffens also noted in his autobiography that, by the time he wrote it, he had become disillusioned with Communism.


THE DYSTOPIAN FUTURE MOVIE COUNTERQUOTE:

“I have seen the future and it doesn’t work.”
       Zardoz (1974 film)
       Tagline used as sequential words on screen
in the trailer for this campy science fiction movie, starring Sean Connery and Charlotte Rampling.


THE SADLY TRUE MOVIE POSTER VERSION:

“I have seen the future, and it sucks...Movie posters suck these days. They’re going to suck even more tomorrow. And as we shuck and jive (and text and Facebook) ever onward into the digital future, movie posters will just keep doggedly and willfully sucking all the more. It’s a headlong progression of suckage, a symptom of the mass-produced everything-by-committee mindset of our culture.”
      
Frank Darabont
       Hungarian-born American movie director, producer and screenwriter
       Comments in the introduction he wrote for the book The Art of Drew Struzan, a lushly illustrated book about the man Time magazine called "the Last Movie Poster Artist."


THE PROPHET PARODY COUNTERQUOTE:

“I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.”
       The Profit by “Kehlog Albran”  
       This 1973 book, actually written by Martin A. Cohen and Sheldon Shacket, is a spoof of Khalil Gibran’s popular mystical philosophy book The Prophet (1923).


THE SCARILY-PRESCIENT INTERNET PROPHECY:

“I have seen the future of the web and it looks like bad public access television.” 
     
Robert P. Libbon 
      American writer and “Director of Covert Activities” for the magicians Penn and Teller   
      A joking comment in his computer book parody Byte Me! Computing for the Terminally Frustrated (1996) that seems to have come true IMHO.

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September 24, 2012

That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. (Or not.)


NIETZSCHE’S FAMOUS MAXIM:

“What does not kill me makes me stronger.”
(“Was mich nicht umbringt macht mich stärker.”)
      
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
       German philosopher
       His famous maxim in Twilight of the Idols (1888) 
       The sayings “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” “That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” and similar lines are all descendants of the aphorism above, which comes from
the “Maxims and Arrows” section of Nietzsche’s book Twilight of the Idols. His original German line has been translated in several ways. Sometimes “Whatever” or “That which” is used in place of “What.” Sometimes “destroy” or some other verb is used in place of “kill” (though the German word Nietzsche used, umbringt, is derived from the verb umbringen, which is generally translated as meaning “to kill”).
      
       Today, English translations and variations of Nietzsche’s maxim are often used for ironic effect. But they are also frequently used in a positive way, to express optimism and determination in the face of adversity. Most people who give such sayings a positive spin might be surprised to learn that Nietzsche’s original German line was used as a motto for Hitler’s Nazi youth camps.


JAX TELLER’S COUNTERQUOTE:

“There’s an old saying: that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I don’t believe that. I think the things that try to kill you make you angry and sad. Strength comes from the good things — your family, your friends, the satisfaction of hard work. Those are the things that keep you whole. Those are the things to hold on to when you’re broken.”
      
Jackson “Jax” Teller (played by actor Charlie Hunnam) 
       Speaking in a voiceover
in the “Sovereign” episode of the TV series Sons of Anarchy. (Season 5, Episode 1. First aired September 11, 2012)


CHUCK LORRE’S COUNTERQUOTE:

“What doesn’t kill us makes us bitter. I used to believe that to be both funny and true...I now have a thicker skin, I’m less likely to sweat the small stuff, and, perhaps most importantly, I have a renewed sense of humility. All in all, better. That being said, I still try to stay reasonably bitter in order to maintain my eligibility in the Writers Guild of America.”
        
Chuck Lorre
       American TV show producer
       An excerpt from
one of the popular “vanity cards” shown at the end of television shows he produces. This one comes from the “Spy Gaming” episode of his sitcom Big Bang Theory. (Season 4 Episode 22, first aired on May 5, 2011.) Lorre picked What Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Bitter as the title of a book collecting his TV vanity cards.


TAYARI’S COUNTERQUOTE:

“People say, That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. But they are wrong. What doesn’t kill you, doesn’t kill you. That’s all you get. Sometimes, you just have to hope that’s enough.”
        
Tayari Jones

       American novelist
       In the epilogue of her novel Silver Sparrow (2011)


CHOKO’S COUNTER-COUNTERQUOTE:

“Of course, what doesn’t make you stronger, will kill you, so there’s also that.”
        
Kaarli Sylvester Makela (a.k.a. Choko!)
       American author
      
In her book Pure Speculation: One Juggalo’s Strange Story (2005)

See more witty variations of “What does not kill me…” in this previous QuoteCounterquote.com post . . . 

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