Things that would happen if God wanted it...

THE OLD CLICHÉ: “If God wanted us to fly he would have given us wings.”         A proverbial saying of anonymous origin         This familiar line is widely used as either a serious comment or a joking remark about scientific and technological innovations or social actions and beliefs that go against tradition. It is sometimes given with meant or intended in place of the word wanted, or with man and him in place of us. The various formulations of the saying — and paraphrases of it — are employed to make or to mock pronouncements about the wisdom or acceptability of certain things.

THE DISCOURAGED VOTER’S VIEW: “If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates worth voting for.”         “The Dissenting Democrat” (pen name of a liberal progressive political blogger)        This quote, posted on the Dissenting Democrat’s blog, sums up the opinion of American voters who don’t particularly like the latest candidates from either major political party. The post says the line has been attributed to journalist Molly Ivins and to progressive political gadfly Jim Hightower. It’s essentially a variation of the better-known quotation “If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates,” a quip generally credited to comedian Jay Leno.

THE DISCOURAGED DIETER’S VIEW: “If God wanted us to lose weight, He would have made celery a comfort food.”        Scott “Q” Marcus        Blogger and self-described “THINspirational speaker”        In a post on the dieters advice site ThisTimeIMeanIt.com.        (Faux TIME cover from www.fathead-movie.com.)

ROD’S TAKE ON HATHA YOGA: “Surely if God had meant us to do yoga, he would have put our heads behind our knees.”        Rod Stewart        British rock star        One of the most widely-quoted lines from his recent book Rod: The Autobiography (2012)        Stewart wrote that he came to this conclusion after someone tried to teach him a few fundamental yoga postures. “As I was attempting to master a beginner's level ‘balancing table’ position,” he recalled, “I fell over into the fireplace.”

SEAN’S TAKE ON HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE: “Heterosexual marriage is just wrong. I mean, if God had meant men and women to be together, he would have given them both penises.”        Sean Hayes         American actor        His quip, as the character Jack McFarland, in the “An Affair To Forget” episode of the NBC sitcom Will & Grace. (Season 2, Episode 19)

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