August 12, 2012

“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.”


THE FAMED (BUT UNDOCUMENTED) WOOLLCOTT QUIP:

“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” 
       Attributed to
Alexander Woollcott (1897-1943)
       American journalist, drama critic and member of the
Algonquin Round Table
       This famous dry witticism
is widely credited to Woollcott, sometimes with the last three words in the order “...illegal, immoral, or fattening.” It does not seem to have appeared in his written works, though some sources wrongly claim it’s from his piece “The Knock at the Stage Door,” first published in the September 1922 issue of The North American Review. (It isn’t.)
       Woollcott biographer Howard Teichmann says Woollcott used the line in conversations, presumably with his fellow Algonquin Round Table members. But documentation of a specific oral or written use remains elusive. Thus, most books of quotations simply note that the saying is “attributed” to Woollcott. Some give the December 1933 issue of Reader's Digest as a citation for his use. However, as noted by authoritative sources like The Dictionary of Modern Proverbs, it was just listed in a set of quotes in that issue and attributed to Woollcott without any specific source. 
       Comedian
W.C. Fields may have helped popularize the saying by uttering a version in the 1934 film Six of a Kind. Playing the character Sheriff “Honest John” Hoxley, he grouses to a woman who asks him why he drinks so much: “According to you, everything I like to do is either illegal, immoral or fattening.” Another early use in film came in the 1939 movie Love Affair. In that, actress Irene Dunne says to Charles Boyer: “The things we like best are either illegal, immoral or fattening.” (Thanks to my fellow writer and retro culture buff Dan Leo for the tip on Irene’s quote.)
       Since the 1930s, the notion that things people like are either illegal, immoral or fattening has taken on proverbial status. It is now commonly used or varied without an attribution to Woollcott or any other source.
      The juxtaposition of the words illegal and immoral was not new when Woollcott used it. As far back as the early 1800s it was common — especially in law-related contexts — to use
phrases such as “illegal, immoral, or contrary to public policy” and “illegal, immoral, against public policy, or prohibited by statute.” In fact, I suspect Woollcott may have been parodying this older formulation.


THE BIKINI SCARE VERSION:

“It’s not like it’s illegal, immoral or unethical. I think they’re going to find this was not the bogeyman they’re making it out to be.”
      
Kenneth Reichel
       Mayor of Madison Lake, Minnesota
      
Commenting on the fears of some local townspeople who opposed allowing the “World’s Largest Bikini Parade” to be part of the town’s venerable July 28 Paddlefish Days parade. Opponents worried that having women (and a few men) marching down the street in itsy-bitsy bikinis would not be “in keeping with a family tone.” As it turned out, the event proceeded without inflicting any major moral casualties, but (alas) failed to set a record for the number of bikini-wearing marchers in a parade.


THE CANCER SCARE CONUNDRUM:

“The familiar saying ‘Everything I do is either illegal, immoral, or fattening’ might be modified to include ‘or causes cancer.’ So many substances have been indicted by laboratory tests on animals that it is possible that a sort of complacency could be developing in the minds of the public.”
      
C. Ray Asfahl
       Industrial safety expert
       In his book Industrial Safety and Health Management (2009)


THE REALLY REALLY DEPRESSING VERSION:

“EVERYTHING I LIKE IS EITHER ILLEGAL, IMMORAL, FATTENING, ADDICTIVE, EXPENSIVE OR IMPOSSIBLE.”
       Sign posted on the
WeKnowMemes.com website


THE BLACKMAIL PARADOX:

“It’s neither illegal nor immoral to ask somebody for money. It’s neither illegal nor immoral to threaten to expose somebody’s theft. But it’s both illegal and immoral to ask somebody for money, threatening that if you don’t get the money, you’ll expose their theft.”
      
Andrew Bailey
       Philosophy professor at the University of Guelph, Ontario 
       A logic puzzler noted in his book
First Philosophy (2012). Bailey goes on to explain: “This is a paradox only if you accept the principle that if it’s not illegal (or immoral) to do X, and it’s not illegal (or immoral) to do Y, then it’s not illegal (immoral) to do X and Y. But that’s clearly a false principle.” Got it?

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August 2, 2012

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” (Though Mae West and others put it somewhat differently.)



THE POPULAR POETIC PLATITUDE:

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.”
      
Alexander Pope (1688-1744)
       English poet 
       The famous saying created by line 525 of his poem An Essay on Criticism, Part II (1711)
       An Essay on Criticism was Pope’s first major work. Although the title calls it an “essay” it’s actually written as a poem, in the rhyming heroic couplet format.
       “To err is human; to forgive, divine” is one of three well-known quotes from the poem. The others are
“a little learning is a dangerous thing” and “fools rush in where angels fear to tread.”
       Pope didn’t coin the phrase “to err is human.” That’s the traditional English translation of the ancient Latin proverb
“Errare humanum est.” However, by adding “to forgive, divine” he created a famous quotation that is still commonly used, adapted and spoofed today.
       The usual meaning ascribed to Pope’s version is that every human can make a mistake, so we should forgive those that do, just as God is said to show his divine mercy in forgiving sinners. The line comes at the end of
the stanza reprinted below, which discusses (in an amazingly obtuse and flow’ry way) how writers sometimes overly praise or harshly criticize other writers:  
         
If Wit so much from Ign’rance undergo,
          Ah let not Learning too commence its Foe!
          Of old, those met Rewards who cou’d excel,
          And such were Prais’d who but endeavour’d well:
          Tho’ Triumphs were to Gen’rals only due,
          Crowns were reserv’d to grace the Soldiers too.
          Now, they who reached Parnassus’ lofty Crown,
          Employ their Pains to spurn some others down;
          And while Self-Love each jealous Writer rules,
          Contending Wits becomes the Sport of Fools:
          But still the Worst with most Regret commend,
          For each Ill Author is as bad a Friend.
          To what base Ends, and by what abject Ways,
          Are Mortals urg’d thro' Sacred Lust of praise!
          Ah ne’er so dire a Thirst of Glory boast,
          Nor in the Critick let the Man be lost!
          Good-Nature and Good-Sense must ever join;
          To err is Humane; to Forgive, Divine

       By the way, the use of the word humane above is not a typo. When An Essay on Criticism was published in 1711, that was the common spelling used for the word human.


THE MAE WEST COUNTERQUOTE:

“To err is human, but it feels divine.”
      
Mae West (1893-1980)
       American stage and movie star, playwright and pioneering Celebrity Sex Goddess
       This quip is
widely attributed to West. No specific source is given. However, it does sound like one of her sassy zingers and it’s mentioned in biographies about her (such as Mae West: It Ain't No Sin), so she may have actually said it.


THE MARINER’S MOTTO:

“The tendency to err is human but to err on the safe side is just being intelligent.” 
      
Commander Walter L. Taylor (1876-1952)
       Quoting a naval saying
in an article published in Vol. 65 of the Proceedings of the United States Naval Institute (1939)
       Taylor said this was a variation of the mariners’
“General Prudential Rule.”


THE PATHETICALLY TRUE POLITICAL VARIATION:

“To err is human. To blame it on someone else is politics.”
      
Hubert Humphrey (1911-1978)
       American Democratic politician; U.S. Vice President 1965-1969 under Pres. Lyndon B. Johnson 
       This quote is
widely attributed to Humphrey, sometimes beginning with the words “We believe that…” Documentation of when he said it is elusive. So, although it’s certainly true, it may not be a true quotation.


THE CRINGE-INDUCING CORPORATE CREDO:

“To err is human, but to be paid for it is divine.”
      
H. James Harrington
       American author, engineer, entrepreneur and “consultant in performance improvement”
       In his book of advice for corporate managers,
Total Improvement Management (1995)

See more uses and abuses of “To err is human…” in this previous QuoteCounterquote.com post…

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