“Ring out the old, ring in the new.”

THE FAMILIAR NEW YEAR’S SAYING: “Ring out the old, ring in the new.”        Alfred Tennyson (a.k.a. Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1st Baron Tennyson; 1809-1892)        English poet         Famous line from Tennyson’s epic poetic work In Memoriam A.H.H. (1850)        Many websites and books say these familiar words linked to New Year’s Eve are from a Tennyson poem titled “Ring Out, Wild Bells.” Technically, that’s incorrect.         The verses that go by that name come from Tennyson’s epic work, In Memoriam A.H.H., his elegiac musings on the death his friend Arthur Henry Hallam (the “A.H.H.” in the title).        In Memoriam A.H.H. is essentially a very long poem comprised of 131 short ones that are referred to as cantos.        These cantos were not given individual names by Tennyson. The popular title “Ring Out, Wild Bells” are the first four words of the canto that includes the line “Ring out the old, ring in the new,” Canto CVI (106 in Roman numerals).        The tradition of tolling bells to “ring out” the year that is ending and “ring in” the new one predates Tennyson. It is an old custom in England and many countries around the world. But Tennyson is generally credited for cementing “Ring out the old, ring in the new” into the English language and making it a linguistic tradition associated with New Year’s celebrations.

A PERFECTLY HEARTWARMING MUSICAL VARIATION: “Bring out the old, bring in the new A midnight wish to share with you Your lips are warm, my head is light Were we alive before tonight? I don't need a crowded ballroom Everything I want is here If you're with me, next year will be The perfect year.”        Don Black        English lyricist        Lyrics from “The Perfect Year,” one of the songs in the musical Sunset Boulevard, with lyrics by Black and music by Andrew Lloyd Webber. (First performed in London in 1993.)

GEORGE’S MUSICAL VARIATION: “Yesterday, today was tomorrow And tomorrow, today will be yesterday So, ring out the old, ring in the new Ring out the old, ring in the new Ring out the false, ring in the true.”        George Harrison (1943-2001)        English rock musician        From the lyrics of his 1974 song “Ding Dong, Ding Dong” (included on the Dark Horse album)

THE 2013 FISCAL CLIFF VERSION: “If Congress doesn’t act, America will ring in the new year with $110 billion in spending cuts and a $500-billion tax increase, leaving the average household with a nearly $3,500 hangover.”        CBS News report, December 3, 2012        Referring to the stalemate between Democrats and Republicans on how to reach a budget deal and prevent the US from going over the so-called “fiscal cliff” in 2013. Happy New Year from the politicians in Washington!

THE HELPFUL CLEANING TIP VERSION: “Wring out the Old; Bring in the New... The Old: Sponges can be sanitized in the microwave. The True: Using the microwave can be risky...there is the possibility of starting a fire.”        The American Cleaning Institute (formerly the Soap and Detergent Association)        In the January/February 2009 edition of the organization’s newsletter, "Cleaning Matters"

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“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas” – or maybe a Jewish, gay, green, brown or red one...

THE FAMOUS “JEWISH” CHRISTMAS SONG: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas Just like the ones I used to know. Where the treetops glisten and children listen To hear sleigh bells in the snow. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas With every Christmas card I write. May your days be merry and bright And may all your Christmases be white.”        Irving Berlin (1888-1989)        American songwriter         Lyrics of Berlin’s song “White Christmas”        “White Christmas” was publicly introduced and made famous by the 1942 film Holiday Inn, in which it is sung by Bing Crosby. The fact that it became one of the most popular Christmas songs of all time may seem a bit ironic, since Berlin was Jewish. However, as noted by journalist Nate Bloom in a post on the InterfaithFamily.com website, 12 of the 25 most popular Christmas holiday songs were written by Jews.

THE GAY FRIENDLY VERSION: “I’m dreaming of a gay Christmas Just like the ones I used to know. Where the treetops shimmer with rainbow glitter And ev-ry fella had a beau. Oh, I’m dreaming of a gay Christmas With Every Streisand song I play. And no matter which way you sway I hope all your Christmases are gay.”        The “Gay Christmas” song, from the “Last Christmas” musical show, first performed in 2007 by the California-based gay and lesbian theatre group, Theatre Out.

THE ECO-FRIENDLY VERSION: “I’m dreaming of a green Christmas Not like the ones I used to know. With presents handmade or re-gifted To prevent the climate being shifted And leaving Christmas trees to grow.”         Nancy Hiler, the “Go Green Gal”         In her blog post “I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas (with apologies to Irving Berlin)”

THE LATINO VERSION: “I’m dreaming of a brown Christmas, Just like the one in Mexico. Where bunuelos glisten, Posadas at the mission, And yes, we don’t need no snow.”        El Vez (stage name of Robert Lopez)        Mexican-American rock and roll artist        From his song “Brown Christmas”

THE CHRISTMAS CHEERS! VERSION: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas But if the white runs out I’ll drink the red.”         A popular variation I first saw as the caption of this cartoon from the now defunct website YourFunnyStuff.com        Cheers and Happy Holidaze from QuoteCounterquote.com!

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More Christmas music parodies…

“Never let them see you sweat.”

ADVICE FROM THE CLASSIC COMMERCIALS: “Never let them see you sweat.”        Tagline used in TV commercials for Dry Idea antiperspirants         This well-known "neverism" (to use the great term coined by quote maven Dr. Mardy Grothe), was popularized by a series of Dry Idea ads that ran from the mid-1980s to the early 1990s. The series featured various celebrities, including fashion designed Donna Karan, model and actress Lauren Hutton, football coach Dan Reeves and comedian Elayne Boosler. Each one talked about three “nevers” for their profession — the third of which was always: “Never let them see you sweat.”        For example, Karan said: “There are three nevers in fashion design. Never confuse fad with fashion. Never forget it’s your name on every label. And, when showing your lines to the press, never let them see you sweat.”        The catchy slogan is credited to veteran ad man Phil Slott, who was then at the BBDO agency. Slott was especially hot at the time, having also recently coined the Navy recruiting ad slogan: “It’s not just a job, it’s an adventure.”

ADVICE FOR MEN: “At a health club, you could meet business contacts, friends, and, most important, future dates. So, ‘never let them see you sweat’ too much! P.S. Have your hairy back waxed, and no grunting like a farm animal when you’re lifting heavy weights.”        Frank Vincent        American actor, musician, writer and producer        Some of the manly tips in his 2007 book A Guy's Guide to Being a Man’s Man (written with Steven Priggé)

ADVICE FOR TEENAGERS: “Never let them see you sweat. If you lose your cool, you lose your power. Where parents are concerned, indifference is your greatest weapon. If they’re having temper tantrums and laying down all sorts of ridiculous rules, don’t argue. Don’t show any reaction at all. This drives them nuts. When they’re finished, calmly suggest that it might be better to have this discussion when they’re feeling more rational.”        Sandra and Harry Choron        In their Book of Lists for Teens (2002)        The Chorons include this in the list “10 Tips for Raising Well-Adjusted Parents.”

ADVICE FOR SPIES: Q (actor Desmond Llewelyn): “I’ve always tried to teach you two things. First, never let them see you bleed.” James Bond (Pierce Brosnan): “And the second?” Q: “Always have an escape plan.”        In the film The World Is Not Enough (1999)

ADVICE FOR STONERS: “The best way to hide from people that you’re high is to never let them see you sober.”        Comment posted by “tyorke” on GrassCity.com            In the discussion thread “Are you a functioning stoner?” (Art by R. Crumb.)

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