April 7, 2010

“From my cold, dead hands” – Charlton Heston’s famous words get repurposed...


FAMOUS ORIGINAL QUOTE:

“I have only five words for you: From my cold, dead hands.”
       Charlton Heston (1923-2008)
       U.S. actor and gun rights activist
       May 19, 2001 speech at an NRA convention in Kansas City


SNARKY COUNTERQUOTE:

“Charlton Heston’s Gun Taken From His Cold, Dead Hands.”
       The Onion
       Photo caption posted shortly after Heston’s death


SNARKY COUNTER-COUNTERQUOTE:

“Laugh it up, gun control candy-asses. While your portfolio sinks deeper into the abyss, our savings plan is robust...And unlike your pussified Roth IRA...it won't be our cold dead hands opening next month’s depressing investment report.”
       Patrick Sauer
       The Daily Tube review
       Comment on a Daily Show segment noting fears that Pres. Obama might ban assault weapons was driving up the price of guns, making them a good investment.


THE FOOD COURT VERSION:

“In Tea Party America, food is a symbol of the obligations of the community vs. the rights of the individual...They’ll get my onion rings when they pry them from my cold, dead (possibly from a massive coronary) hands!”
       James Poniewozik
       In an article in Time magazine, April 5, 2010, about Jamie Oliver’s TV series Food Revolution


THE SUPREME COURT VERSION:

“It’s time for tonight’s Word: Quitter. Quitters like Harriet E. Miers, the ‘E’ stands for quitter, who withdrew her nomination to the Supreme Court today...Supreme Court justices are not quitters. They are die-ers. [Words on screen: You can have my gavel when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands.]”
       Stephen Colbert
       The Colbert Report, October 27, 2005

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Newly published book of quotes…

Buchanan’s Dictionary of Quotations for right-minded Americans

By Mike Buchanan, author of The Fraud of the Rings

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