LINCOLN STEFFENS’ FAMOUS QUOTE ABOUT THE FUTURE: |
THE AMAZON WAREHOUSE SLAVE VERSION: “Amazon’s new idea goes to extremes to treat employees like fleshy robots. The Seattle-based company was just granted two patents for employee wristbands that look like something from dystopian science fiction...wristbands that track where a given warehouse workers’ hands are at all times. You read that correctly. I have seen the future, and it’s just rows and rows of low-paid workers in endless warehouses being told to stop picking their noses. Or to get back from their bathroom break, as it were.” |
GRUMPY CAT'S UNDERSTANDABLE VIEW: “I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE. I'M GOING BACK TO BED.” |
THE DYSTOPIAN FUTURE MOVIE COUNTERQUOTE: “I have seen the future and it doesn’t work.” |
THE SADLY TRUE MOVIE POSTER VERSION: “I have seen the future, and it sucks...Movie posters suck these days. They’re going to suck even more tomorrow. And as we shuck and jive (and text and Facebook) ever onward into the digital future, movie posters will just keep doggedly and willfully sucking all the more. It’s a headlong progression of suckage, a symptom of the mass-produced everything-by-committee mindset of our culture.” |
THE PROPHET PARODY COUNTERQUOTE: “I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.” |
THE SCARILY-PRESCIENT INTERNET PROPHECY: “I have seen the future of the web and it looks like bad public access television.” |
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