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January 11, 2013

“Life is like a box of chocolates” (or not) – the Celebrity Edition...


THE POLITICALLY CORRECT FILM VERSION OF WHAT FORREST SAID:

“My mama always said, life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
       Forrest Gump, as played by actor Tom Hanks  
       Lines spoken by Hanks in the 1994 film Forrest Gump
       This famous philosophical simile is not in the 1986 novel by Winston Groom that the movie is based on. It’s an altered, politically correct version of the opening lines of the novel, which read:
       “Let me say this: bein a idiot is no box of chocolates. People laugh, lose patience, treat you shabby. Now they says folks sposed to be kind to the afflicted, but let me tell you—it ain’t always that way. Even so, I got no complaints, cause I reckon I done live a pretty interestin life, so to speak.”


THE KATY PERRY TWEET:

“Life is like a box of chocolates, eat them all.”
       Katy Perry
       American recording artist, songwriter and actress
       In a Twitter tweet linked to a photo of her sitting on a bench that has sign with a Forrest Gump quote on it. (It does not appear to be the actual “Forrest Gump bench” used in the movie, which now resides in a museum in Savannah, Georgia.)


THE WILL FERRELL TWEET (NOT):

“Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.”
       A tweet on the ItsWillFerrell Twitter page 
       That Twitter site is apparently not the real Will Ferrell’s official Twitter page. It’s maintained by someone who calls himself “Not Will Ferrell,” though his snarky version of the Gump quote does sound like something the real Will might say.


THE CHUCK NORRIS VERSION:

“Life is not, in fact, like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris, roundhouse kicking you in the face. And if you receive a box of Chuck Norris, you ALWAYS know what you are going to get.”
       A quip posted on many Chuck Norris fan sites


THE TARANTINO “GUMP FICTION” VERSION:

“Life is like a box of chocolates. You open it up and most times someone's taken a bite out of each and every one. That’s when I gotta get out my .45 and blow their heads off. And that’s all I have to say about that.” 
       The MADtv show’s gonzo version of Forrest Gump
       Lines spoken by
played by cast member David Herman in the parody trailer for the faux movie Gump Fiction, directed by “Alfred E. Tarantino.” It’s a truly funny sketch from Episode 1 of Season 1 (first aired Oct. 14, 1995) that can currently be viewed on YouTube.

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