“Give a man a fish…”

THE OLD PISCATORIAN PROVERB: “Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”        A proverbial saying attributed to many different sources        As noted by quotation maven Garson O’Toole on his Quote Investigator website, this has been cited as a Chinese, Italian, Native American, Biblical and Indian proverb and attributed to various people. Garson, his fellow quote origin sleuth Ralph Keyes, and the Phrases.org site believe that it may be derived from lines written by Anne Isabella Thackeray Ritchie, daughter of the famed novelist William Makepeace Thackeray. In her novel Mrs. Dymond, first published in 1885 Macmillan's Magazine, the character Max Du Pare says: “...if you give a man a fish he is hungry again in an hour. If you teach him to catch a fish you do him a good turn.”        The saying is also widely attributed to Maimonides, the medieval Jewish philosopher. However, although he did expound on the wisdom of teaching a man a trade as an alternative to charity, he didn’t coin the saying about fish. The attribution to him seems to be a paraphrase that morphed into a common misattribution via internet posts.

THE SEASONAL SANTA VERSION: “Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Give a man a Santa costume, feed him for a month.”                     Dan Piraro        American cartoonist        The caption of his Bizarro.com cartoon from December 5, 2016 showing one of the Santas that show up near shopping centers to collect donations every year at Christmas time

PRATCHETT’S PROVERB: “Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.”        Terry Pratchett        English author of fantasy novels, best known for his Discworld series        A dark humor quip in his Discworld novel Jingo (1997)

THE PROGRAMMER’S LAMENT: “Give a man a program, frustrate him for a day. Teach a man to program, frustrate him for a lifetime.”        Muhammad Waseem (Muhammad Waseem Latif)        Pakistani Software Engineer        A sardonic joke computer programmers can relate to that is widely attributed to Waseem in posts on the internet, though when he said it is not clear

THE WRITER’S LAMENT: “Give someone a book, they’ll read for a day. Teach someone how to write a book, they’ll experience a lifetime of paralyzing self doubt.”        Lauren DeStefano        American author best known for her young adult science fiction and fantasy novels        DeStefano posted this humorous observation on her Twitter feed in 2015. It has since been widely quoted by other writers, including my friend, author Paul Bishop, who brought it to my attention.

THE POLITICAL SKEPTIC’S APPLICATION: “Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for life. Give him someone else’s fish and he’ll vote for you.”        A popular internet meme

THE RELIGIOUS SKEPTIC’S APPLICATION: “Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Give that man a religion, and he’ll starve to death while praying for a fish.”        Another popular internet meme

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“To crush your enemies...”

THE FAMOUS MOVIE QUOTE: Barbarian General (actor Akio Mitamura): “Conan, what is best in life?” Conan (Arnold Schwarzenegger): “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women!”        From the film Conan the Barbarian (released in the US on May 14, 1982)        Arnold Schwarzenegger’s “crush your enemies” line in Conan the Barbarian became the first of his many famous movie quotations as an actor. It’s also the first line he speaks in the film after a full twenty minutes of backstory recounting how Conan was captured as a boy by brutal barbarian raiders, used as a slave, then trained to be a vicious pit fighter and a warrior for his captors. Here’s the dialog from that scene (which you can watch on YouTube):                       Barbarian General: “We won again. This is good! But what is best in life?”          Warrior: “The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, wind in your hair!”          General: “Wrong! Conan, what is best in life?”          Conan (Arnold): “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women!”          Barbarian General: “That is good.”       Conan’s last seven words are sometimes quoted as “to hear the lamentation of the women,” because Arnold’s Austrian accent makes the word “their” sound like “deh.” But I’m pretty sure it’s “their women” given the inspiration for the movie quote.       John Milius, who directed Conan the Barbarian and co-wrote the screenplay with Oliver Stone, didn’t create Arnold’s famed catchphrase from whole cloth. It’s not in the Conan stories written by the creator of the character, Robert Howard. But it’s based on a passage in a book by one of Howard’s favorite writers, Harold Lamb.                     In Lamb’s classic 1927 biography, Genghis Khan: The Emperor of All Men, he gives his version of a legendary quotation by the great conqueror at the end of Chapter 11. Lamb wrote:                        One day in the pavilion at Karakorum he asked an officer of the Mongol guard what, in all the world, could bring the greatest happiness.                        “The open steppe, a clear day, and a swift horse under you,” responded the officer after a little thought, “and a falcon on your wrist to start up hares.”                        “Nay,” responded the Khan, “to crush your enemies, to see them fall at your feet—to take their horses and goods and hear the lamentation of their women. That is best.”        The version of Khan’s words crafted by Milius (and/or Stone) for Conan the Barbarian became a popular catchphrase that has since been cited and adapted many times. Some of my favorite examples are below...

THE FAKE NEWS VERSION: “I said, ‘Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women,’ but the media took that totally out of context.”        Peter Kuper        American illustrator and cartoonist        His caption for a cartoon spoofing Conan and the frequent lament of politicians, published in The New Yorker, January 2017

COHEN THE BARBARIAN’S VARIATION: [Nomad]: “What is it that a man may call the greatest things in life?” [Cohen the Barbarian] “Hot water, good dentishtry and shoft lavatory paper.”        From the Discworld novel The Light Fantastic (1986) by Terry Pratchett                    This quote by the Cohen character (aka Ghenghiz Cohen) is a is a favorite of Discworld fans. Cohen is an aging, toothless barbarian who speaks with a lisp when he’s not wearing the special dentures he has made from the diamond teeth of the troll Old Grandad.        (Portrait of Cohen with his diamond dentures by Paul Kidby.)

THE CHRISTIAN IDEAL: “The heroic figure in Conan the Barbarian was actually paraphrasing Genghis Khan when he gave his famous answer to the question ‘What is best in life?'... An alternative idea came from Galilee: What is best in life is to love your enemies and see them reconciled to you.”        John Ortberg        Evangelical Christian author, speaker, and senior pastor of the ECO Presbyterian Menlo Church in Menlo Park, California        In his book Who Is This Man?: The Unpredictable Impact of the Inescapable Jesus (2012)

THE INTERNET TROLL MINDSET: “WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE? TO TROLL YOUR ENEMIES, TO SEE THEM BUTTHURT BEFORE YOU, AND TO HEAR THE LAMENTATIONS OF THEIR FOLLOWERS!”        An internet meme seen on ImgFlip.com

THE ROBOT CHICKEN MUSICAL ADAPTATION: [Conan singing]: “What is best in life? That is hard to say, for each man is unique in his own way. As a boy, I liked gumdrops and puppies, sailboats and frogs, and my best friend little Ricky Maebius! But when I became a young man, what was best in life began to change just like my body. I liked pretty Stacy Lyon with her long blonde hair and eyes that were blue as the ocean! But now that I’m grown, my thoughts have changed, and it’s pretty clear to me. The answer to the question, ‘What is best in life?’ is plain enough for all to see. Crush your enemies! Crush your enemies! And see them driven before you! Crush your enemies! Crush your enemies! And see them driven before you! And hear the lamentations of the women!”        A hilarious parody song sung by an animated Conan action figure in the “Boo Cocky” episode of the Comedy Channel’s “Adult Swim” cartoon series Robot Chicken (Season 3, Episode 16; first aired September 7, 2008)

CONAN-INSPIRED CHRISTMAS CHEER: “All I want for Christmas is TO CRUSH MY ENEMIES SEE THEM DRIVEN BEFORE ME AND HEAR THE LAMENTATION OF THEIR WOMEN”        Slogan printed on t-shirts and other clothes sold by LookHuman.com

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Related reading, viewing and stuff…

“A little learning is a dangerous thing.”

THE FAMOUS ORIGINAL QUOTE: “A little learning is a dangerous thing; Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring: There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain, And drinking largely sobers us again.”        Alexander Pope (1688-1744)        In his poem An Essay on Criticism (1711)

GOLDMAN-SACHS VERSION: “A little thieving is a dangerous art, But thieving largely is a noble part; As vile to rob a hen-roost of a hen, But stealing largely makes us gentlemen.”        The Democratic Speaker’s Handbook (1868)        A quip aimed at the 19th Century versions of Goldman Sachs

OSCAR WILDE’S VARIATION: “A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”         Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)         “The Critic as Artist” (1891)

TERRY PRATCHETT’S TAKE: “They say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, but it is not one half so bad as a lot of ignorance. There are some situations where the correct response is to display the sort of ignorance which happily and willfully flies in the face of the facts.”        Terry Pratchett (b.1948)        Equal Rites (1987), a Discworld novel

THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER VERSION: “Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.”        Helen Rowland (1875-1950)        Quoted in the The Columbia Dictionary of Quotations

THE RED GREEN VERSION: “Middle-aged men...We know everything. But you got to keep this knowledge to yourself, all right? I know that you know that your neighbor is planting that shrub the wrong way, but don’t say anything. I too have seen my wife wallpaper the bedroom the hard way. Just keep your mouth shut, all right? Because when they found out how smart we are, they get jealous, all right? I don’t know who said, ‘A little knowledge is a dangerous thing,’ but I’m guessing it was a middle-aged man. So whatever it is you know — and I know it’s a lot — keep it under your hat and you’ll be able to keep your friends. Believe me, I know.”        Red Green (actor Steve Smith)        In an episode of The Red Green Show (1991-2006)

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Some recommended books of proverbial sayings and clichés…