The fine lines between stupid, clever – and various other things...

SPINAL TAP’S “SMELL THE GLOVE” PRINCIPLE: “It’s such a fine line between stupid…and clever.”        The legendary saying from the mockumentary This is Spinal Tap (1984)         This “quote” actually combines parts of consecutive lines spoken by two characters in the movie: Spinal Tap’s lead singer and rhythm guitarist, David St. Hubbins (played by Michael McKean) and the band’s bass player, Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer).        In the scene, the band members and their manager Ian Faith (Tony Hendra) are discussing the fact that the latest Spinal Tap album, Smell the Glove, had been criticized as sexist and banned by major retailers for featuring a photo of a greased, naked woman on all fours wearing a dog collar around her neck. Meanwhile, the album of a rival musician, Duke Fame, was selling well even though it had photos of several naked women on the cover. Ian explains that Duke is shown tied down and the women are whipping him in his album cover photo. Thus, Duke is the “victim,” so it’s not sexist.        Ian notes: “If we had all you guys tied up, that probably would have been fine...But it’s still a stupid cover.”        David muses: “It’s such a fine line between stupid and...”        Derek finishes the thought and creates the famed “quote” by adding: “And clever.”        David agrees: “Yeah, and clever.”         And, thus, the legendary saying was born.

THE CONGRESSIONAL VARIATION: “There’s a fine line between irony and hypocrisy. I’m not sure our political leaders in Congress understand either one. But at least that makes for some fine comedy!”         From a July 31, 2014 post on The Center for Justice & Democracy’s PopTort.com site         The post was about the news that the U.S. House of Representatives had passed a resolution authorizing Speaker John Boehner to sue President Obama for what Republicans say has been inadequate enforcement of “Obamacare” – the health care program they oppose.        (Cartoon by Steve Sack, political cartoonist for the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.)

THE CLIVEN BUNDY VARIATION: “There’s a fine line between a folk hero and a scofflaw.”          Editorial by the Nashua Telegraph, April 25, 2014        Commenting on Nevada cattle rancher Cliven Bundy, who had about “15 minutes of fame” for publicly thumbing his nose at federal laws and regulations regarding grazing of private cattle herds on public lands and refusing to pay the fees required to use those lands.        (Cartoon by Milt Priggee.)

ERMA’S OBSERVATION: “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt…How do you know laughter if there is no pain to compare it with?”        Erma Bombeck (1927-1996)        American humorist, newspaper columnist and author         From her book If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? (1985)

BLANCHE’S OBSERVATION: “There is a fine line between having a good time and being a wanton slut.”        Actress Rue McClanahan (1934-2010) as the character Blanche Devereaux        In an episode of the TV series The Golden Girls

THE FISHING VERSION: “There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.”        Steven Wright        American comedian        A widely-repeated joke Wright used in his stand-up comedy routine in the early 1990s. It now appears on posters, t-shirts and other items and hundreds of Internet graphics and posts.

THE GARDENING VERSION: “There’s a fine line between gardening and madness.”        Actor John Ratzenberger, as the character Cliff Clavin        In an episode of the TV series Cheers         This one is for my wife Barbara Jo, a certified Master Gardener who spends much of her time maintaining the amazing subtropical botanical garden she created in our front and back yards – and for all those other avid gardeners out there who will understand why the joke is funny.

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“If at first you don’t succeed…”

THE LEGENDARY MOTIVATIONAL PROVERB: “‘Tis a lesson you should heed: Try, try again. If at first you don’t succeed, Try, try again.”        Popularized by William Edward Hickson (1803-1870)        British philanthropist, music scholar and educational writer        Lyrics from the first verse of the song “Perseverance; Or Try Again,” printed in Hickson’s book The Singing Master (1836)        The saying “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” comes from the initial stanza of a work that began appearing in British and American books in the late 1830s and early 1840s, sometimes as song lyrics and sometimes as a poem. Some sources claim it was coined by the British-born American publisher and author Thomas H. Palmer (1922-1861). Palmer did include what he cited as a poem with those lines in a teacher’s manual he published in 1840, as did several other guides for teachers published around the same time. But the same “poem” had previously been published in 1836 as the lyrics of the song “Perseverance; Or Try Again” by William Edward Hickson, in his book The Singing Master. Hickson wrote lyrics for a number of songs during his lifetime, most famously an updated version of the British national anthem “God Save the King.” However, his book The Singing Master reprinted the lyrics of many existing songs for children, including popular nursery rhymes that had been put to music. So, the “Perseverance” song, with the famed motivational saying in its first verse, may simply have been recorded rather than created by Hickson.

W.C. FIELDS’ LEGENDARY COUNTERQUOTE: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no use being a damn fool about it.”        Attributed to W.C. Fields (1880-1946)        American comedian and actor         Variations of this sardonic quip have been attributed to Fields since at least September 1949, when the version above was cited by Reader’s Digest magazine. Often, it’s given without the word “There’s.” Sometimes “no use” is replaced by “no point.” If Fields did actually say one of these versions, it may have been a quip he uttered in real life, since it does not seem to be a line from any of his films.

THE PETER PRINCIPLE APPLICATION: “If at first you don’t succeed, you may be at your level of incompetence already.”        Dr. Laurence J. Peter        Canadian professor and author, best known for creating “The Peter Principle” and writing the book of the same name (with Raymond Hull)        This saying is widely attributed to Peter, but without a specific source. It does not seem to be in any of the editions of his popular book The Peter Principle, which was first published in 1969 and has remained in print ever since. The book does include the variation “If at first you don’t succeed, try something else” — which he may have stolen from the Fifties television Western Maverick.

PAPPY MAVERICK’S WISDOM: “As my old Pappy used to say, ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try something else.’”        Bret Maverick (actor James Garner)        The line above is one of the many sayings Bret attributed to his father Beau Maverick in various episodes of the classic American TV Western, Maverick, which ran from 1957 to 1962.         Other bits of wisdom Bret cited as things “my old Pappy used to say” include:              “...a man does what he has to do, if he can’t get out of it.”             “...man is the only animal you can skin more than once.”              “...never play in a rigged game, unless you rig it yourself.”             “...never cry over spilled milk; it could’ve been whiskey.”             “...early to bed and early to rise is the curse of the working class.”             “...if the Lord had more respect for money, He would have given it to a higher class of people.”

THE SKYDIVING SURVIVAL MAXIM: “If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.”         Steven Wright        American comedian        This dry joke is usually attributed to Wright, who apparently used it in his stand-up routine. However, another version is commonly attributed to comedian Henny Youngman, and other variations have long been popular among skydiving enthusiasts, suggesting that it may be have been, er, floating around for many the years.        Wright is also commonly credited with another good “try again” takeoff: “If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

THE HUSBANDS SURVIVAL MAXIM: “If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you.”        A popular t-shirt, card and sign slogan, appearing in several variations. (The example shown at left is a sign available from Amazon.com.)

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