October 29, 2012

Things that would happen if God wanted it...


THE OLD CLICHÉ:

“If God wanted us to fly he would have given us wings.” 
      
A proverbial saying of anonymous origin 
       This familiar line is widely used
as either a serious comment or a joking remark about scientific and technological innovations or social actions and beliefs that go against tradition. It is sometimes given with meant or intended in place of the word wanted, or with man and him in place of us. The various formulations of the saying — and paraphrases of it — are employed to make or to mock pronouncements about the wisdom or acceptability of certain things.


THE DISCOURAGED VOTER’S VIEW:

“If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates worth voting for.” 
      
“The Dissenting Democrat” (pen name of a liberal progressive political blogger)
       This quote,
posted on the Dissenting Democrat’s blog, sums up the opinion of American voters who don’t particularly like the latest candidates from either major political party. The post says the line has been attributed to journalist Molly Ivins and to progressive political gadfly Jim Hightower. It’s essentially a variation of the better-known quotation “If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates,” a quip generally credited to comedian Jay Leno.


THE DISCOURAGED DIETER’S VIEW:

“If God wanted us to lose weight, He would have made celery a comfort food.”
      
Scott “Q” Marcus
       Blogger and self-described “THINspirational speaker”
       In a
post on the dieters advice site ThisTimeIMeanIt.com.
       (Faux TIME cover from
www.fathead-movie.com.)


ROD’S TAKE ON HATHA YOGA:

“Surely if God had meant us to do yoga, he would have put our heads behind our knees.”
      
Rod Stewart
       British rock star
       One of the most widely-quoted lines from his recent book Rod: The Autobiography (2012)
       Stewart wrote that he came to this conclusion after someone tried to teach him a few fundamental yoga postures. “As I was attempting to master a beginner's level ‘balancing table’ position,”
he recalled, “I fell over into the fireplace.”


SEAN’S TAKE ON HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGE:

“Heterosexual marriage is just wrong. I mean, if God had meant men and women to be together, he would have given them both penises.”
      
Sean Hayes 
       American actor
       His quip, as
the character Jack McFarland, in the “An Affair To Forget” episode of the NBC sitcom Will & Grace. (Season 2, Episode 19)

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Comments? Corrections? Post them on the Famous Quotations Facebook page.

Related reading…

October 24, 2012

“Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.”


THE FAMOUS QUOTE ABOUT DYING VS. COMEDY:

“Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.” 
      
Peter O’Toole, playing the washed-up actor Alan Swann
       In the 1982 movie
My Favorite Year 
      
Also attributed to English actors Edmund Kean and Edmund Gwenn (among others)


A HUMORIST’S COUNTERQUOTE:

“Dying is easy. Parking is hard.”

      
Art Buchwald(1925-2007)
       American humorist and journalist 
       A joke he told while dying from kidney failure 
      
Quoted in Time magazine, shortly after his death


A POW’S COUNTERQUOTE:

“Cook said POWs must realize simple truths: dying is easy, living is hard, and surviving the day is always in doubt. Thus, he said, to awaken each morning to a new day is a victory.”   
       Donald L. Price  
       Retired Marine Colonel and author 
      
In his book The First Marine Captured in Vietnam (2007)
       Referring to U.S. Marine Col. Donald G. Cook, who died in a Viet Cong prison camp in 1967


A REAL LIFE SUPERHERO’S COUNTERQUOTE:

“I've slipped into that ‘numb zone’ many times. That’s when creating humor and appreciating it becomes very difficult, but even more necessary....If you get stuck in it for a long period of time you may end up going back to square one, when life after a catastrophe has no meaning....I agree with the dying comedian; sometimes humor is hard but it’s worth it.”
      
Christopher Reeve (1952-2004)
       American actor and patient advocate
       In his inspiring book
Nothing is Impossible (2004)


THE SYMPATHY VS. EMPATHY VARIATION:

“Sympathy is easy. It's always given from a position of power...But when you have empathy, you empathize with the person. You put yourself on equal footing. Sympathy is easy. Empathy is hard.” 
      
Dennis Lehane 
       American novelist
       In a commencement speech he gave at the University of Massachusetts Boston in 2004
       Quoted in
Here We Stand: 600 Inspiring Messages the World’s Best Commencement Addresses (2009)


THE LUST VS. LOVE VS. LIKE VARIATION:

“Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.”
      
Carl Reiner (b. 1922)
       American comedian, actor, director and producer  
       In an appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show in 2005

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Comments? Questions? Corrections? Post them on the Famous Quotations Facebook page.

Related reading…

October 17, 2012

“I see dead people.” (The famous quote that gets reincarnated regularly.)


THE MEMORABLE MOVIE QUOTE:

“I see dead people.”
      
Haley Joel Osment (playing the psychic young boy Cole Sear)  
       His famous line in the film The Sixth Sense (1999)
       The boy reveals his ability to see dead people to child psychologist Malcolm Crowe, played by Bruce Willis, in
a spooky scene that immortalized the soon widely-parodied phrase. When Crowe asks if he means dead people in graves or coffins, the boy shakes his head ‘no’ and explains: “Walking around like regular people. They don’t see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don’t know they’re dead...They’re everywhere.”


PAUL KRUGMAN’S ‘I SEE BLIND POLITICIANS’ VARIATION:

“Mitt Romney doesn’t see dead people...The reality, to which Mr. Romney is somehow blind, is that many people in America really do die every year because they don’t have health insurance…The Romney-Ryan position on health care is that many millions of Americans must be denied health insurance…At the same time, of course, Mr. Romney and Mr. Ryan are proposing trillions of dollars in tax cuts for the wealthy. So a literal description of their plan is that they want to expose many Americans to financial insecurity, and let some of them die, so that a handful of already wealthy people can have a higher after-tax income.”
      
Paul Krugman
       American economics professor and political columnist
       In
his October 14, 2012 op-ed column in the New York Times, titled “Death by Ideology”


THE ‘KRUGMAN’S A DEAF, DUMB & BLIND IDIOT’ COUNTERQUOTE:

“I’m assuming Paul Krugman DOES see dead people both the present and future deceased which makes him not only delusional but a delusional with the gift of clairvoyance. I won’t attempt to demean you with a rhetorical question: you’re not a doctor and while you may have a working knowledge of the future of healthcare in this country, to put it in its least offensive form, you’re deaf, dumb, and blind to the realities of the practice of medicine on a national scale.” 
      
Huffington Post reader “grkorbel”
 
       In a comment he posted about Paul Krugman’s
“Death by Ideology” op-ed


THE COMPLETE IDIOT’S VERSION:

“Bogus psychics and mediums…like TV’s ‘Miss Cleo’…might tell you, ‘I see dead people,’ but in reality, all they’re seeing is dollar signs.”
      
Duane Swierczynski
       American writer and editor
      
In his book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Frauds, Scams, and Cons


THE JUST PLAIN DUMB VERSION:

“I see dumb people…They’re everywhere.”
      
A popular humorous variation used on t-shirts, posters and thousands of Internet posts


THE NATTY DREADLOCKS VERSION:

“I see DREAD people”
      Punning
T-shirt and poster slogan that uses a term associated with dreadlocked Rastafarians, like Bob Marley

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Comments? Questions? Corrections? Post them on the Famous Quotations Facebook page.

Related reading and stuff…

 

October 3, 2012

“I have seen the future and it works.” (But not in the future.)


LINCOLN STEFFENS’ FAMOUS QUOTE ABOUT THE FUTURE:

“I have seen the future and it works.”
      
Lincoln Steffens (1866-1936) 
       American “muckraking” journalist and social activist 
       Remark in
a letter to Marie Howe, dated April 3, 1919, about his visit to Soviet Russia. Russia had recently become the first major Communist nation, adopting a political system based (theoretically) on the doctrines of Karl Marx. At the time, many liberal activists like Steffens believed that such a Socialist system would be good for the majority of citizens and should be adopted by other countries.
       Steffens used several versions of his famous controversial prediction over the years. One of the most cited variations comes from
his 1931 autobiography. In that, Steffens wrote that American businessman Bernard Baruch once said to him, “So you’ve been over into Russia?, and he replied: “I have been over into the future and it works.” Steffens also noted in his autobiography that, by the time he wrote it, he had become disillusioned with Communism.


THE DYSTOPIAN FUTURE MOVIE COUNTERQUOTE:

“I have seen the future and it doesn’t work.”
       Zardoz (1974 film)
       Tagline used as sequential words on screen
in the trailer for this campy science fiction movie, starring Sean Connery and Charlotte Rampling.


THE SADLY TRUE MOVIE POSTER VERSION:

“I have seen the future, and it sucks...Movie posters suck these days. They’re going to suck even more tomorrow. And as we shuck and jive (and text and Facebook) ever onward into the digital future, movie posters will just keep doggedly and willfully sucking all the more. It’s a headlong progression of suckage, a symptom of the mass-produced everything-by-committee mindset of our culture.”
      
Frank Darabont
       Hungarian-born American movie director, producer and screenwriter
       Comments in the introduction he wrote for the book The Art of Drew Struzan, a lushly illustrated book about the man Time magazine called "the Last Movie Poster Artist."


THE PROPHET PARODY COUNTERQUOTE:

“I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.”
       The Profit by “Kehlog Albran”  
       This 1973 book, actually written by Martin A. Cohen and Sheldon Shacket, is a spoof of Khalil Gibran’s popular mystical philosophy book The Prophet (1923).


THE SCARILY-PRESCIENT INTERNET PROPHECY:

“I have seen the future of the web and it looks like bad public access television.” 
     
Robert P. Libbon 
      American writer and “Director of Covert Activities” for the magicians Penn and Teller   
      A joking comment in his computer book parody Byte Me! Computing for the Terminally Frustrated (1996) that seems to have come true IMHO.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Comments? Questions? Corrections? Post them on the Famous Quotations Facebook page.

Related reading and viewing…

Copyrights, Disclaimers & Privacy Policy


Creative Commons License
Copyright © 2009-2014 by Subtropic Productions LLC

The Quote/Counterquote blog is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License. Any duplicative or remixed use of the original text written for this blog and any exact duplications the specific sets of quotations collected for the posts shown here must include an attribution to QuoteCounterquote.com and, if online, a link to http://www.quotecounterquote.com/

To the best of our knowledge, the non-original content posted here is used in a way that is allowed under the fair use doctrine. If you own the copyright to something we've posted and think we may have violated fair use standards, please let me know.

Subtropic Productions LLC and QuoteCounterquote.com are committed to protecting your privacy. We will not sell your email address, etc. For more details, read this blog's full Privacy Policy.