“I think, therefore I am” — and some variations I think are funny (therefore they are)…

FAMOUS PHILOSOPHER’S QUOTE: “Cogito ergo sum.” (“I think, therefore I am.”)        René Descartes (1596-1650)        French mathematician and philosopher          Famous axiom in his book Principia Philosophiae (Principles of Philosophy, 1644)        Descartes first recorded the axiom in French, as “Je pense, donc je suis,” in his philosophical and mathematical treatise, Le Discours de la Méthode (A Discourse on Method, 1637). However, the Latin version from Principia Philosophiae — “Cogito ergo sum” — is better known.        The French and Latin versions of the quote have traditionally been translated in English as “I think, therefore I am.”        Alternate translations include “I am thinking, therefore I am” and “I am thinking, therefore I exist.”

THE PRESIDENT TRUMP TWEET THEORY VARIATION: “He tweets, therefore he is. Twitter gives him a platform to say whatever he wants completely unfiltered. The media can’t and won’t do that for him.”        John Feehery        Republican political consultant        Quoted in an article media writer James Warren posted on the Vanity Fair website on December 6, 2016        (Cartoon by Kim Warp.)

A FAMOUS HUNTER’S VARIATION: “We eat, therefore we hunt.”        Sarah Palin        Conservative American politician, celebrity and avid hunter         This comes from the rambling speech Palin gave on July 26, 2009, announcing her resignation as Governor of Alaska. The full quote is: “Stand strong, and remind them patriots will protect our guaranteed, individual right to bear arms, and by the way, Hollywood needs to know, we eat, therefore we hunt.”

AN AVANT-GARDE PAINTER’S VARIATION: “I Suck Therefore I Am”         Agus Suwage          Indonesian artist        This is the title of the 2004 painting by Suwage shown at left. At the time, it was estimated to be worth up to 207,000 Malaysian Ringgits (over $61,975 in U.S. currency). Other works by Suwage have sold for even more, so I guess some people don’t think he sucks.

THE SHOPAHOLIC VARIATION: “I Shop Therefore I Am”        Barbara Kruger        American multimedia artist          These words on the artwork by Kruger shown at left are seemingly a send-up of consumerism. But ironically, the image was later used on tote bags and t-shirts sold by Bloomingdale’s.

THE ALCOHOLIC TEACHER VARIATION: “I Teach Therefore I Drink”          A slogan on t-shirts sold on Amazon and other sites. They seem to be quite popular. I’m not sure what that says about the teaching profession.

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Comments? Questions? Corrections? Post them on my Famous Quotations Facebook group.

Some books with a title or subtitle based on Descartes’ quote (there are even more)…

“You can’t handle the truth!” – from Jack Nicholson to Zero Dark Thirty to Liz Lemon’s boobies…

JACK NICHOLSON’S FAMOUS MOVIE RANT: “You can’t handle the truth!”           Jack Nicholson (as Col. Nathan R. Jessep)         Nicholson’s shouted response to Tom Cruise (playing Lt. Daniel Kaffee) in the movie A Few Good Men (1992), after Cruise tells him “I want the truth!” during the climactic court-martial scene.        After yelling his now iconic line, Nicholson’s character Col. Jessep goes on a long rant that unwittingly leads to an admission of his culpability in the death of Marine PFC William Santiago at the American military facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Col. Jessep felt Santiago had disrespected the chain of command and wasn’t living up to Marine traditions. So, he secretly ordered two other Marines to subject Santiago to a “Code Red,” a term for harsh, unsanctioned physical punishment. This unintentionally caused Santiago’s death and led to a military trial. During intense questioning by Kaffee, Jessep ultimately admits he ordered the Code Red, but not before giving a riveting speech about the need for tough military personnel who are willing to do what’s needed to protect American civilians.        Here’s a transcript of their memorable exchange:       Jessep (Jack Nicholson): You want answers?       Kaffee (Tom Cruise): I think I’m entitled to them.       Jessep: You want answers?       Kaffee: I want the truth!     Jessep: You can’t handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said ‘thank you’ and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!    Kaffee: Did you order the Code Red?    Jessep: I did the job that —       Kaffee: Did you order the Code Red?    Jessep: You’re goddamn right I did!

THE MOVIE AWARDS SNUB VERSION: “Zero Dark Thirty...earned five Academy Award nominations, including Best Motion Picture. But director Kathryn Bigelow, the first woman to win a Best Director Oscar for her 2008 war drama The Hurt Locker, didn’t get a nod for her efforts...‘She showed what was really happening,’ [Producer Madison] Jones said. ‘Maybe sometimes we can’t handle the truth.’ The Academy did not respond to a request for comment.”        Hollie McKay        Pop Culture/Entertainment Columnist at FoxNews.com        In a report on the Academy Award nominations for movies released in 2012         Kathryn Bigelow’s gutsy film Zero Dark Thirty created an uncomfortable moral dilemma for many liberals, like some of the Hollywood set that votes on who gets Academy Awards. The movie graphically depicts the fact that torture (which they oppose) was used on Muslim prisoners by the American military to gain information that helped in the search for and elimination of Osama Bin Laden (a goal they supported). This is suspected to be the reason why Bigelow was left out of the Academy’s nominations for Best Director.

HOMER SIMPSON’S MULTIPLE-MOVIE QUOTE RANT: “Look Marge, you don't know what it’s like - I’m the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I’m not out of order. You’re out of order. The whole freakin’ system is out of order. You want the truth? You want the truth? You can’t HANDLE the truth. ‘Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend’s face, you’ll know what to do. Forget it, Marge, it’s Chinatown.”          Homer Simpson (voiced by Dan Castellaneta)         Homer’s rant in the “Secrets of a Successful Marriage” episode of The Simpsons, first aired on May 19, 1994. In addition to using lines from A Few Good Men, his rant includes references to famous quotes from the movies ...And Justice for All (1979), Patton (1970) and Chinatown (1974).

THE BIMBO BARB VARIATION: “To call a woman who is intellectually-challenged and painfully inexperienced in politics a bimbo isn’t sexist, it’s simply the truth. In fact, to argue that a dumb woman shouldn’t be called bimbo is sexist — it implies that women are too fragile to handle the truth.”        Robert Paul Reyes        Liberal journalist and blogger        In a post about Sarah Palin on “The Student Operated Press” website, February 28th, 2011

THE LIZ LEMON BOOBIES VERSION: Liz Lemon (actress Tina Fey): “You want the truth, Kenneth, you want the truth?” Kenneth Parcell (actor Jack McBrayer): “I can’t handle the truth!” Liz: “There is an adult picture of me on that phone...It’s a boobies picture, Kenneth, and I only kept it because for once they were both pointing in the same direction.”        In the “Larry King” episode of 30 Rock (Season 3, Ep. 12), first aired on February 26, 2009

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    

Comments? Corrections? Post them on the Famous Quotations Facebook Page.

Related reading and viewing…

“The Powers That Be” — the Celebrity Quotes Edition

THE ORIGIN OF THE PHRASE: “The powers that be are ordained of God…Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.”         Romans, 13:1-2        This Biblical quote from Saint Paul’s “Epistle to the Romans” (usually just called Romans) is the origin of the English idiom “the powers that be,” a general term used to refer to the people or organizations who control something.        “Powers that be” and many others familiar phrases from the Bible were coined by William Tyndale (1494–1536). He was a feisty English Puritan who translated the Bible from Hebrew and Greek into English in the 1520s, a time when such a translation was considered heresy by the Catholic Church’s Powers That Be. The “Tyndale Bible” pre-dated and heavily influenced the King James Version created in 1611.

RICHARD DREYFUSS VERSION: “The [Screen Actors] Guild was the healthiest, sanest and strongest guild in America, and now it’s run by complete loons and the opposition is made up of complete loons, so the Guild has destroyed itself, and in so doing, has achieved the Powers That Be’s greatest goal, which is to extract every illegal penny that they can from their own work force and deny them the ability of collective power.”          Richard Dreyfuss        American actor        In an interview on HollywoodNews.com

SARAH PALIN’S VIEW FROM THE RIGHT: “The powers that be in Washington, they've got it all wrong...We should not be working for our government. Our government should be working for us.”        Sarah Palin         Republican politician and commentator        In a speech she gave in Wichita, Kansas on May 3, 2010          Providing a possible alternate explanation of why she resigned as Governor of Alaska

JIM HIGHTOWER’S VIEW FROM THE LEFT: “The powers that be within it made a political calculation that we Democrats could raise corporate money and compete with the Republicans…The problem is, when you start taking those corporate checks, on the back is written the corporate agenda. So our party began speaking in different languages.”         Jim Hightower         Liberal political gadfly and former Democratic politician        In an article about him in the Texas Tribune (April 16, 2010)

THE OLIVIA MUNN VIEWERS VERSION: “Cable channels were built around the notion that as long as the male audience is drooling from one side of their mouth, then the other side of the body won't be able to work the remote. So, it is with a deep understanding of the powers that be, and the powers that eventually will be, that we celebrate cable’s newest ‘It’ girl, and PETA's latest pin-up, Olivia Munn.”          Reagan Alexander        Online columnist and blogger        In an article about Olivia Munn on Tonic.com

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Comments? Corrections? Post them on the Famous Quotations Facebook page.

Related reading…

10 things that would have to be invented if they did not exist...

THE FAMOUS ORIGINAL QUOTE: “If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.” (“Si Dieu n’existait pas, il faudrait l’inventer.”)        Voltaire (the pen name of François-Marie Arouet; born 1694, died 1778)        French novelist, poet, historian, philosopher and social critic        This line, sometimes translated as “If God did not exist, he would have to be invented” or “If God did not exist, we would have to invent him,” appears several times in Voltaire’s writings. He first used it in a poem he wrote in 1768, titled Epître à l'auteur du livre des Trois imposteurs (“Epistle to the Author of the Book the Three Imposters”). The poem was a response to the anonymously-written work Traité sur les trois imposteurs (“The Treatise of the Three Impostors”), an early atheistic manuscript that denied the validity of Christianity, Judaism and Islam. Voltaire was more of a Deist than a traditional Christian, but felt strongly that a belief in God and fear of God’s divine retribution against evildoers was necessary to deter crime, maintain social order and restrain excesses by those in power. In Epître à l'auteur du livre des Trois imposteurs, he argued:        “This sublime system is necessary to man.        It is the sacred tie that binds society,        The first foundation of holy equity,        The bridle to the wicked, the hope of the just.        If the heavens, stripped of his noble imprint,         Could ever cease to attest to his being,        If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.        Let the wise man announce him and kings fear him.” By 1770, the “If God did not exist...” aphorism had become one of Voltaire’s favorites. In a letter to a M. Saurin, dated November 10, 1770, Voltaire said of it: “I am rarely satisfied with my lines, but I confess that I have a father’s tenderness for that one.” That same month, in a letter to letter to Frederick William, Prince (later King) of Prussia, dated November 28, 1770, Voltaire wrote: “If God did not exist it would be necessary to invent him. But all nature cries aloud that he does exist; that there is a supreme intelligence, an immense power, an admirable order, and everything teaches us our own dependence on it.”

THE SKEPTIC’S COUNTERQUOTE: “Reason tells us that if the skeptic did not exist it would be necessary to invent him.”        Frater H.J. Hershenow, F.R.C.        20th Century Rosicrucian writer        In his essay “The Chess Players”        Rosicrucian Digest, June 1938

BOB DYLAN’S VERSION: “If I didn’t exist, someone would have to have invented me.”        Bob Dylan        In his autobiographical book Chronicles: Volume One (2004)

THE DOCTOR WHO VARIATION: “If heroes do not exist, it is necessary to invent them. Good for public morale.”        Cardinal Borusa (actor Angus MacKay)        In “The Deadly Assassin” episode of the Doctor Who TV series, first aired in four parts on BBC from October 30 to November 20, 1976.

LOUIS L’AMOUR’S VERSION: “Men strive for peace, but it is their enemies that give them strength, and I think if man no longer had enemies, he would have to invent them, for his strength only grows from struggle.”         Louis L’Amour (1908-1988)        In his historical novel The Lonesome Gods (1984)

THE RETAILERS’ VIEW OF CHRISTMAS: “From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.”        Katharine Whitehorn        British journalist        In her book Roundabout (1962)

THE TRICKY DICK PRINCIPLE: “If Nixon did not exist, it would be necessary for Americans to invent him. He’s the Mount Rushmore of failed presidential ambitions.”        Martin Higgins        American filmmaker, writer and stand-up comic        In his compilation of political quotes The Nastiest Things Ever Said About Republicans (2006)

THE SARAH PALIN PRINCIPLE: “A figure like Sarah Palin serves a need for both her followers and her detractors. Much as Voltaire famously said about God, if Sarah Palin did not exist, it would be necessary for someone to invent her.”        Blogger Kevin Camp        In a post on his blog Comrade Kevin’s Chrestomathy, November 17, 2010

SARTRE’S ANTI-SEMITE PRINCIPLE: “If the Jew did not exist, the anti-Semite would invent him.”        Jean-Paul Sartre        French writer and existentialist        In his essay Anti-Semite and Jew (1946), originally titled: Réflexions sur la question juive (“Reflections on the Jewish Question”)

DENNIS HOPPER’S RESPONSE TO IT ALL: Captain America (Peter Fonda): (Reading a plaque on the wall of a New Orleans brothel) “If God did not exist it would be necessary to invent him.” Billy (Dennis Hopper): “That’s a humdinger. I’m getting a little smashed, man.”        In their 1969 film Easy Rider (at about 1 hour, 16 minutes into the movie)        If Dennis Hopper had not existed and invented himself, could anyone else have invented him?

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Comments? Corrections? Post them on the Famous Quotations Facebook group.

Further reading: books of quotations about God by believers and non-believers:

You’re no Jack Kennedy / Sarah Palin / Ronald Reagan / (Insert Name Here)...

THE FAMOUS ORIGINAL DISS: “I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Jack Kennedy.”        Lloyd M. Bentsen (1921-2006)        U.S. Senator from Texas and 1988 Democratic candidate for Vice President        This legendary put down was unleashed by Bentsen against Republican vice-presidential candidate Senator Dan Quayle in their televised debate on October 5, 1988. Prior to the debate, Quayle had been defending his relative youth and lack of experience by comparing himself to the young John F. Kennedy. Bentsen was ready to pounce if Quayle mentioned Kennedy in the debate. Sure enough, Quayle answered a question from journalist Tom Brokaw by saying: “I have far more experience than many others that sought the office of Vice President of this country. I have as much experience in the Congress as Jack Kennedy did when he sought the presidency.” Bentsen responded with his famous “You’re no Jack Kennedy” zinger, creating a new formula for an insult that has been used ever since.

THE SARAH PALIN VARIATION: “I know Sarah Palin. I respect Sarah Palin. And with all due respect - Christine O’Donnell is no Sarah Palin.”        Republican media pundit Bill Kristol        Comment to CNN on September 13, 2010, dissing Connecticut Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell a few days before she defeated Republican Party favorite Mike Castle in the state’s Republican primary election. O’Donnell had been publicly endorsed by Sarah Palin.

RONALD REAGAN’S QUIP: “This fellow they’ve nominated claims he’s the new Thomas Jefferson. Well, let me tell you something. I knew Thomas Jefferson. He was a friend of mine. And Governor, you’re no Thomas Jefferson!”        President Ronald Reagan (1911-2004)        His joking comment about Democratic Presidential nominee Bill Clinton (and his own age) in an address at the Republican National Convention, August 17, 1992

A REAGAN DAUGHTER’S VERSION: “The 2008 [Republican] presidential candidates try to imitate my father and proclaim themselves more Reaganesque than their competitors. Where is Lloyd Bentsen when you need him? ‘I knew Ronald Reagan…Senator [or Governor], you’re no Ronald Reagan.’”        Patti Davis        Actress, author and daughter of Ronald and Nancy Reagan        In an op-ed in Newsweek, December 29, 2007

HARRY TRUMAN’S DAUGHTER’S VERSION: “I would say to George Bush, ‘You are no Harry Truman.’”        Margaret Truman (1924-2008)        Daughter of President Harry Truman        Her response to comments by President George H. W. Bush comparing himself to President Harry Truman, during the 1992 Presidential campaign

THE AL GORE FARMBOY VARIATION: “Al, I was an Iowa farmboy. Iowa farmboys are friends of mine, and you’re no Iowa farmboy.”        Republican National Committee Chair Jim Nicholson        Quote in an RNC press release (March 17, 1999) responding to Vice President Al Gore’s claim that he did a lot of farm work as a young man, such as cleaning out “hog waste with a shovel and a hose.” Nicholson added: “Mr. Vice President, with all due respect, you’re shoveling a lot more of it right now than you ever did back then.”

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *

Comments? Corrections? Post them on my quotations Facebook group.

Brush up on your insults…

“I Don’t Care” quotes – the Sexual Preferences Edition…

MRS. CAMPELL’S FAMOUS QUOTE: “I don’t care what they do, so long as they don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses.”        Mrs. Patrick Campbell (Beatrice Campbell; 1865-1940)        British actress        The legendary quotation about homosexuals commonly attributed to her

DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL COUNTERQUOTE: “I don’t care if a soldier is ‘straight’, as long as he can shoot straight.”        Attributed to Barry Goldwater (1909-1998)        The common paraphrase of a remark Goldwater made in 1993         What he actually said: “You don’t need to be ‘straight’ to fight and die for your country.”

NUDGE NUDGE, WINK WINK QUOTE: “I don’t care what they look like as long as they got big tits.”        An anonymous cowboy character          In the novel The Carpetbaggers (1964), by Harold Robbins

STRIPPER QUOTE: “I don’t care what they say or do to me as long as they pay.”        An anonymous stripper        Quoted in The Sexual Scene (1970), by John H. Gagnon

STRIP HER QUOTE: “I don’t care what she has to say. She should just shut up and pose nude for Playboy.”         Comment posted by an anonymous reader on Steve Sailer’s iSteve Blog        Regarding Sarah Palin’s book, Going Rogue (2009)

*     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *     *    

Comments? Questions? Corrections? Post them on my quotations Facebook group.