“From my cold, dead hands”

  

CHARLTON HESTON’S (IN)FAMOUS QUOTATION: “From my cold, dead hands.”        Charlton Heston (1924-2008)        American actor, ‘60s civil rights activist, President of the National Rifle Association from 1998 to 2003        This is Heston’s famed catchphrase about gun rights, intended to mean that he and other gun owners would literally fight to the death to prevent the government from taking away their guns. It’s based on previous slogans used by gun rights groups as early as the mid-1970s. For example, an NRA bumper sticker Heston was well aware of said “I’ll give you my gun when you take it from my cold, dead hands.” However, Heston’s is the most famous (and infamous) use of “From my cold, dead hands.”                      He first spoke the phrase in a notable public forum on April 29, 1989, at the NRA’s annual convention in St. Louis. Three months before that, on January 17, 1989, an unemployed welder named Patrick Edward Purdy, armed with a semi-automatic rifle, shot and killed five school children and wounded 32 others on the playground at the Cleveland Elementary School in Stockton, California. This shocking and, at the time, still rare example of a mass school shooting generated a media firestorm and led to calls for state and federal action to ban assault weapons.         In his remarks at the 1989 NRA convention, Heston argued that proposals for such bans were sparked by “media bias” against guns and would be unworkable, unacceptable infringements on the Second Amendment rights of American citizens. After making his speech, Heston was presented with a silver-and-gold plated replica of a flintlock rifle. Smiling happily, he held up the gun and said: “I have only one more comment to make: From my cold, dead hands.”        Heston later used the words in other speeches at NRA events, usually as a closing line. One particularly high profile use was in the speech he gave at the NRA’s May 20, 2000 annual convention, which came during the 2000 presidential campaign and garnered considerable media attention. In that speech, Heston criticized Democratic presidential candidate Al Gore for his support of stronger gun control laws. At the end, holding the flintlock he was given in 1989, he said: “As we set out this year to defeat the divisive forces that would take freedom away, I want to say those fighting words for everyone within the sound of my voice to hear and to heed, and especially for you, Mr. Gore: ‘From my cold, dead hands!’”                    The saying has continued to be a favorite slogan of gun rights advocates and a target of mockery by gun control advocates. It has also spawned numerous take-offs and variations involving things other than guns, as shown by the examples below.

JOHN OLIVER’S NUTELLA ANALOGY: “The NRA: a group that feels about guns the way the rest of us feel about Nutella. A little is good, more is better, and you can tell me it’s bad for me all you like, but you will pry it from my cold, dead hands.”        John Oliver        Host of the HBO’s TV show Last Week Tonight with John Oliver        In a segment about the NRA and the NRA TV channel first aired on March 4, 2018

A PRESCIENT 2010 PREDICTION ABOUT IPADS: “It all adds up to one conclusion: the iPad is a success…So for those saying you'll never buy one, and that they’ll prise your laptop from your cold, dead hands — quite possibly. But lots of people around you will have iPads.”         Charles Arthur         Technology editor at The Guardian newspaper in London         In a post on The Guardian Technology Blog on April 6, 2010

THE GAME OF THRONES FAN VERSION: “A study from the investment company Acorns has found that a surprisingly high percentage of Americans would skip the final Game of Thrones season in exchange for $1,000...As for us, you can pry Westeros away from our cold, dead hands.”        Proma Khosla        American entertainment reporter        In an article posted on Mashable.com on February 27, 2018

THE EXCEL FAN VERSION: “You can have my excel, after you ripped it from my cold, dead hands.”        Steven Yacht        American Certified Public Accountant        In a November 2017 Twitter comment responding to a Wall Street Journal article in which Adobe Inc.’s finance chief Mark Garrett suggested that accountants should stop using Microsoft Corp.’s Excel spreadsheet software because it “hasn’t kept up with the demands of contemporary corporate finance units”

THE FRIED FOOD FAN VERSION: “They’ll get my onion rings when they pry them from my cold, dead (possibly from a massive coronary) hands!”        James Poniewozik        American journalist and television critic        In an article in the April 5, 2010 issue of Time magazine about the views of people who eat way too much fried food

THE PARANOIDS VS. POLLYANNAS PARADIGM: “The Supreme Court needs to consider the lethality of modern weapons in any new restrictions, but Congress must give it something to work with. The slaughter continues, not because of the Second Amendment, but because Congress has split us into two camps: the first with paranoid visions of cold, dead hands wrapped around AR-15s, the second with childish dreams of a Pollyannaish utopia with no guns, perfect mental health and no explosives.”        K.E. Bevier        American writer        In a letter to the Editor of the South Carolina newspaper The State, published on March 07, 2018

THE GUNS VS. ROTH IRAS INVESTMENT OPTION: “Laugh it up, gun control candy-asses. While your portfolio sinks deeper into the abyss, our savings plan is robust. Buying automatic weapons now will put our kids through college later. And unlike your pussified Roth IRA, when the jackbooted thugs kick in the doors to loot our weaponry...Let’s just say it won't be our cold dead hands opening next month’s depressing investment report.”        Patrick Sauer        American freelance writer and humorist                     In a comment on a now apparently deleted video on the TheDailyTube.com, which was a repost of Josh Gad’s June 2, 2009 segment on the Daily Show  about the fact that fears President Obama might ban assault weapons was driving up the price of such guns, making them a “good investment”

THE ONION’S SNARKY HESTON OBIT: “Charlton Heston’s Gun Taken From His Cold, Dead Hands.”        The Onion        The darkly humorous satirical news site                     Headline above a photo of Heston holding a rifle at an NRA convention, posted on The Onion website on April 7, 2008, two days after his death

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Related reading & viewing…

“A ticket to ride” – from the Beatles to Celine Dion to primary politics and LOLdogs…

THE FAMOUS BEATLES LYRIC: “She’s got a ticket to ride, but she don’t care.”        The Beatles        The well-known line from the chorus of their 1965 song “Ticket to Ride,” featured in their movie HELP!        Like many Beatles songs, “Ticket to Ride” is officially credited to John Lennon and Paul McCartney but was primarily written by one of them (in this case Lennon). The lyrics tell the story of a guy who’s “gonna be sad” because his girlfriend is dumping him and “going away.” It’s a bit unclear what her “ticket to ride” refers to. It could be a ticket on some form of public transportation. It could allude to her relationship with the guy, a “ride” she no longer cares about.        According to many websites and books about the Beatles, Lennon once suggested in his typically cheeky (and often tongue-in-cheek) fashion that he coined the phrase when the band was playing in Hamburg, Germany in the early 1960s. The local prostitutes there had to get regular medical checkups. Those who passed were given a card confirming they had no venereal disease — which Lennon said he dubbed “a ticket to ride.” Another theory in Beatles lore is that “ticket to ride” was a pun about the town of Ryde on the Isle of Wight. One of McCartney’s cousins ran a bar there that he and Lennon visited together, after buying a ticket on the British Railways train to Ryde.

CELINE'S INSPIRING VARIATION: “It’s important to open your eyes in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and ask two questions: ‘Are you dead, or do you have a ticket to ride?’...If you’re alive, have a good day. Because today is the most important day of your life.”        Celine Dion        Canadian musical star        Comment to the press in September 2015 about the how she tried to deal with the fact that her husband and manager René Angélil was gravely ill with throat cancer. Celine and René used their tickets to ride together every day until he passed away on January 14, 2016.

A PRESIDENTIAL PRIMARY TICKET TO NOWHERE: “Ladies and gentlemen, I think we’re in the hunt!...I’d say third place is a ticket to ride, ladies and gentleman! Hello, South Carolina!”        Jon Huntsman         The former Governor of Utah who ran as a Republican presidential candidate in 2012         Comment in a speech on the night of January 10, 2012, after taking third place in New Hampshire’s Republican primary        Huntsman’s use of “ticket to ride” was his attempt at a clever sound bite suggesting that he had the momentum needed to continue his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination in the upcoming South Carolina primary election. Several days later, when polls showed Mitt Romney would likely beat him by a wide margin, Huntsman dropped out of the Republican primary race before the Palmetto State’s primary was held.

STEPHEN COLBERT’S QUIP ABOUT HUNTSMAN: “Yes, he’s got a ticket to ride and we don’t care.”        Stephen Colbert         Former host the Comedy Channel’s Colbert Report TV show         Spoofing Huntsman’s reference to the Beatles’ song on the January 11, 2012 episode of the Colbert Report

A PUZZLER FOR DEEP THINKERS: “If she’s got a ticket to ride, why don’t she care? Why did she buy it in the first place?”         Blogger “Quincy the Wolf”         In one of the “Deep Thoughts” posted in his online journal

A NOT TOO DEEP (BUT VERY CUTE) LOLDOG: “SHE’S GOT A CHICKEN TO RIDE AND SHE DON’T CARE”         Caption on an ihasahotdog.com photo

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Related reading, listening and swag…

About God’s mysterious way(s)…

THE OFTEN MISQUOTED ORIGIN: “God moves in a mysterious way His wonders to perform; He plants his footsteps in the sea, And rides upon the storm.”        William Cowper (1731-1800)        British poet and hymn writer        From his Hymn No. 35, “Light Shining Out of Darkness”         These are the opening lyrics of the hymn, which was first published in Olney Hymns (1779). The first two lines are usually misquoted as “God moves in mysterious ways his wonders to perform” and often wrongly assumed to be a Bible quote.

BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS COUNTERQUOTE: “God does not work in mysterious ways — it’s blindingly obvious when he’s dropping you a big hint.”        A comment I read in 2010 on a now-vanished blog         At the time, it stuck me as something that could be applied to the Gulf Oil Spill, which had recently occurred (and which still may be doing mysterious things to the ecosystem of the Gulf of Mexico).

COLBERT’S VERSION:  “God works in mysterious ways. But at least he works. He’s never on welfare in mysterious ways.”        Stephen Colbert        One of his straight-faced faux Conservative quips on the June 23, 2010 episode of The Colbert Report

ATHEIST VARIATION #1: “There are no atheists in a foxhole, and there are, apparently, no atheists in the Ku Klux Klan. God sometimes moves in mysterious ways, His lip service to exact.”          Attributed to Mignon McLaughlin (1913-1983)        American author and journalist

ATHEIST VARIATION #2: “I have yet to see a good answer for why God is all-powerful and all-knowing and all-good – or even anything close to all-powerful and all-knowing and all-good – and still isn’t perceived by everybody. Does anybody have one? (And if you say ‘Mysterious ways,’ I’m going to scream.)”          Greta Christina         Atheist blogger and author        In a post she wrote for AlterNet

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Related reading…

“I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.”

THE FAMOUS PATRIOTIC QUOTE: “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country.”        Nathan Hale (1755-1776)        American schoolteacher, spy and Revolutionary War hero        According to legend, Hale uttered this brave quote on September 22, 1776, just before he was hung by the British for being an American spy. According to modern historians, he probably didn’t say it. If he did, he was probably paraphrasing an earlier quote from Joseph Addison’s play Cato (1713), which was popular in the 1770s and almost certainly known to Hale. In Act IV, Scene 4 of the play, Cato says: “What pity is it / That we can die but once to serve our country!”

THE COLBERT COUNTERQUOTE: “I regret that I have but one life to give. I want more lives!”        Stephen Colbert        American political satirist        In his intro to the June 5, 2008 episode of The Colbert Report

THE ABBIE HOFFMAN FLAG SHIRT VARIATION: “I only regret that I have but one shirt to give for my country.”        Abbie Hoffman (1936-1989)        American political activist and leader of the Yippies        His response in October 1968 after being found guilty of the “crime” of wearing an American flag shirt.

THE FOREIGN SERVICE VARIATION: “I only regret that I have but one liver to give for my country.”        Fred Chapin (1929-1969)        American diplomat who served as U.S. ambassador to Guatemala and Ethiopia        Chapin, famous for his ability to drink a bottle of Scotch and still give a lucid interview, is generally credited with coining this quip. It’s said to be well-known in Foreign Service circles.

THE CHEEZY LOLCAT VARIATION: “I only regret that I have but nine lives to give for my Cheez-site.”         Posted by CorvusCorax         Another one of those cute LOLcat photo/quotes

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Related reading:

Tiger Woods gives new meaning to “Just do it!”

FAMOUS QUOTE: “Just do it!”        The famed ad slogan for Nike, Inc.        First used in 1988         Sometimes used with the longer tagline “Go on. Just Do it!”

UPDATED COUNTERQUOTE: “Just do it! But don’t text about it.”         Sports columnist Bob Young         The Arizona Republic, December 15, 2009

KIWI QUOTE: “Nike’s best-known slogan is ‘Just do it’...Then it emerged Tiger had just done it. And done it and done it and done it. The result was uproar. And most of the corporates fled. They had to be seen to espouse Christian morality. But corporations are about as Christian as my dog. They employ the cheapest labour they can find and the most dishonest advertising they can get away with. Their dropping of Tiger had nothing to do with morality. It was just replacing one fib with another.”         New Zealand columnist Joe Bennett         The Dominion, December 23, 2009

COLBERT QUOTE: “There is one sports story out there that has really got me peeved. Accenture has ended their sponsorship deal with Tiger Woods. And just when I’d almost figured out what Accenture was...Why break up when you can just change your slogan to, ‘Ho On. Do A Tiger.’”         Stephen Colbert        On The Colbert Report, December 16, 2009

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Further reading for fans of sports quotations…

"A house divided against itself cannot stand...half smart and half stupid."

In addition to doing quotation-related posts on this blog and on my www.ThisDayinQuotes.com blog, I sometimes turn a set of quotes and counterquotes into short videos that I post on YouTube.

My latest quote video has some variations on the famous quotation by Abraham Lincoln: “A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure permanently half slave and half free.”

The counterquotes I used included:

“A cultural system divided against itself cannot behave in a rational manner.” — A counterquote by American anthropologist Leslie Alvin White (1900-1975);

“A house divided against itself cannot stand, but it’s worth squat in this market anyway.” — A quip made by Stephen Colbert on his Colbert Report TV show, on January 13, 2009; and,

“A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure, permanently half smart and half stupid.” — A political observation made by Keith Olbermann on his MSNBC TV show, Countdown, on September 10, 2009.

As I often do, I posted a link to my video on Reddit.com, using Olbermann’s quote as the heading.

This morning, I received an email saying Reddit.com is offering a t-shirt for sale that features my post’s headline.

I suspect other Reddit.com fans get similar emails about their posts, but it did give me a chuckle to start my day.

And, I think Olbermann’s remark makes a good t-shirt slogan in these politically divided times. So, of course, I had to get one for myself (and one for Mom). Thanks, Keith. Thanks, Reddit.

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“A House Divided” – the Political Pundits Versions

LINCOLN’S FAMOUS QUOTE: “A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure permanently half slave and half free.”        Abraham Lincoln         Speech at the Republican State Convention, June 16, 1858

OBERMANN’S VERSION: “A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure, permanently half smart and half stupid.”        Keith Olbermann        Liberal media pundit        Comment on Republican Congressman Joe Wilson yelling "You lie! at President Obama        On MSNBC's Countdown TV show, Sept. 10, 2009

BECK’S ODD VERSION: “Over 50% of the African-American community now believes that the cure of AIDS exists but the Government won’t release it because AIDS kills poor people. That’s frightening. A house divided against itself cannot fail.”        Glenn Beck        Conservative media pundit        On his radio show, March 24, 2008

COLBERT QUIP: “A house divided against itself cannot stand, but it's worth squat in this market anyway.”        Stephen Colbert        The supposedly faux political pundit        On his Colbert Report TV show, Jan. 13, 2009

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