“Hearts and minds” – from the Bible to Vietnam to the Middle East…

THE FAMOUS BIBLICAL QUOTE: “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ.”         St. Paul         A famous line from his Epistle to the Philippians, c. 62 A.D.          This Biblical verse from Philippians 4:7 helped popularize two famous phrases: “the peace of God, which passeth all understanding” and “hearts and minds.”

JOHN ADAMS’ REVOLUTIONARY WAR QUOTE: “The Revolution was in the minds and hearts of the people; a change in their religious sentiments of their duties and obligations...This radical change in the principles, opinions, sentiments, and affections of the people, was the real American Revolution.”          John Adams         Second President of the United States        From a letter he wrote to Hezekiah Niles, February 13, 1818

LBJ’S VIETNAM WAR QUOTE: “We must be ready to fight in Vietnam, but the ultimate victory will depend upon the hearts and the minds of the people who actually live out there.”        Lyndon Baines Johnson        36th President of the United States        His famous (and infamous) “Hearts and Minds” speech (May 4, 1965)

THE GREEN BERETS’ VIETNAM WAR COUNTERQUOTE: “If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.”         U.S. Green Berets slogan during the Vietnam War

AN IRAQ WAR VARIATION: “What have you done to win Iraqi hearts and minds today?.”         Headline on posters that US General David Petraeus ordered to be posted in American military facilities in Iraq in 2003. The line reflected policies in the “Counterinsurgency Manual” he wrote, which were supposed to help to gain Iraqi support for the continued US presence in their country and to reduce attacks on US troops by “insurgents.”

AN AFGHANISTAN WAR VARIATION: “[General] Petraeus’s counterinsurgency manual, with all its talk of winning hearts and minds, is pure Vietnam.”         Jonathan Schell (1924-2014)                American columnist and author         In a 2009 commentary in The Nation about the “counterinsurgency” policies created by Gen. Petraeus, which were then being applied in Afghanistan.

PRESIDENT OBAMA’S QUOTE ABOUT ISLAMIC EXTREMISM: “We know that military force alone cannot solve this problem…Our campaign to prevent people around the world from being radicalized to violence is ultimately a battle for hearts and minds.”        Barack Obama        44th President of the United States        In an op-ed he wrote about the recent wave of killings by Islamic extremists, fist published in the L.A. Times on February 17, 2015

A RESPONSE TO OBAMA'S QUOTE: “Anytime I see the ‘win their hearts and minds’ as the key driver of our warfare strategy I know we’re screwed.”         Reader comment posted on a PoliticalHotwire.com thread titled “Obama administration solution to stop ISIS...get them jobs!”

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When the going gets tough, the quotes get weirder…

THE LEGENDARY SAYING: “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”        Widely attributed to Joseph P. Kennedy (1888-1969)        American businessman and patriarch of the Kennedy clan        Thousands of books and websites attribute this quote to Kennedy, though without any specific source. It has also been attributed to various other celebrities, such as football coach Vince Lombardi. My guess is that it’s a modern proverbial saying with no specific origin.

THE PANTLESS TOUGH GUY APPLICATION: “WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH TAKE OFF THEIR PANTS.”        Caption used for the photo at left when it was posted on the Feb. 2, 2015 “Day in Pictures” feature on the San Francisco Chronicle website. The rest of the caption explained: “A competitor runs through a puddle in the ‘Tough Guy’ adventure race near Wolverhampton, Staffordshire, West Midlands. The event challenges thousands of tough guys to run through a grueling 200 obstacles, including water, fire and tunnels after a lengthy run at the start.”           (Photo: Oli Scarff, AFP/Getty Images)

THE UNREAL BLONDES VERSION: “When Times Get Tough, the Tough Go Shopping.”        The Real Housewives of Orange County “reality” show        Episode title, Season 5, Episode 1 (First aired November 5, 2009)

THE GONZO VERSION: “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”        Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005)        American “gonzo” journalist        In his book Kingdom of Fear (2003)

LASORDA’S VARIATION: “When the going gets easy, watch out! You may be going downhill.”        Tommy Lasorda (b. 1927)        American baseball pitcher and manager        In the book Life Lessons from Little League Revisited (2005) by Vincent Fortanasce & Tommy Lasorda

ANIMAL POLITICS VARIATION: “When the waterhole gets smaller, the animals get meaner.”         African proverb

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“The customer is always right” … or maybe not.

THE FAMED BUSINESS MOTTO: “The customer is always right.”         Harry Gordon Selfridge (1857-1947)        US-born British businessman and founder of the Selfridges store chain         This famous business motto is traditionally attributed to Selfridge and was popularized by him. However, as noted by the great Phrase Finder site and other sources, Selfridge may have shoplifted the saying from American department store magnate Marshall Field, who Selfridge worked for as a young man.

PETER’S RULE: “Peter’s Salesmanship Rule: The customer is always ripe.”        Laurence J. Peter (1919-1990)        Canadian educator and author best known as the creator of “The Peter Principle”         His wry version of the famed business motto, in his book Peter's Almanac (1982)

DOGBERT’S RULES: “There are two essential rules of management.   One: the customer is always right.   Two: they must be punished for their arrogance.”        Dogbert         A variation once posited by the hilariously evil canine cartoon character in Scott Adams’ Dilbert comic strips.

LE VERSION FRANCAISE: “France...a country where shop-owners seem to be guided by the credo that the customer is always, incontrovertibly wrong.”         Ruadhán Mac Cormaic        Irish journalist        In his column in The Irish Times, March 1, 2010

THE SALES CLERKS' COUNTERQUOTE: "Whoever said 'the customer is always right' clearly never worked with the public a day in their life."        A "Rottenecard" that most current and former employees of any type of retail outlet can relate to.

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“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas” – or maybe a Jewish, gay, green, brown or red one...

THE FAMOUS “JEWISH” CHRISTMAS SONG: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas Just like the ones I used to know. Where the treetops glisten and children listen To hear sleigh bells in the snow. I’m dreaming of a white Christmas With every Christmas card I write. May your days be merry and bright And may all your Christmases be white.”        Irving Berlin (1888-1989)        American songwriter         Lyrics of Berlin’s song “White Christmas”        “White Christmas” was publicly introduced and made famous by the 1942 film Holiday Inn, in which it is sung by Bing Crosby. The fact that it became one of the most popular Christmas songs of all time may seem a bit ironic, since Berlin was Jewish. However, as noted by journalist Nate Bloom in a post on the InterfaithFamily.com website, 12 of the 25 most popular Christmas holiday songs were written by Jews.

THE GAY FRIENDLY VERSION: “I’m dreaming of a gay Christmas Just like the ones I used to know. Where the treetops shimmer with rainbow glitter And ev-ry fella had a beau. Oh, I’m dreaming of a gay Christmas With Every Streisand song I play. And no matter which way you sway I hope all your Christmases are gay.”        The “Gay Christmas” song, from the “Last Christmas” musical show, first performed in 2007 by the California-based gay and lesbian theatre group,  Theatre Out.

THE ECO-FRIENDLY VERSION: “I’m dreaming of a green Christmas Not like the ones I used to know. With presents handmade or re-gifted To prevent the climate being shifted And leaving Christmas trees to grow.”         Nancy Hiler, the “Go Green Gal”         In a blog post titled “I’m Dreaming of a Green Christmas (with apologies to Irving Berlin)”

THE LATINO VERSION: “I’m dreaming of a brown Christmas, Just like the one in Mexico. Where bunuelos glisten, Posadas at the mission, And yes, we don’t need no snow.”        El Vez (stage name of Robert Lopez)        Mexican-American rock and roll artist        From his song “Brown Christmas”

THE CHRISTMAS CHEERS! VERSION: “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas But if the white runs out I’ll drink the red.”         A popular variation I first saw as the caption of this cartoon from the now defunct website YourFunnyStuff.com        Cheers and Happy Holidays from QuoteCounterquote.com!

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More Christmas music parodies…

A man’s (and a girl’s) best friends...

THE ORIGIN OF “MAN’S BEST FRIEND”: “The best friend a man has...is his dog.”        George Graham Vest (1830-1904)        American lawyer and politician        These words are from Vest’s summation in the trial of a sheep farmer who shot and killed his neighbor’s dog, Old Drum. The trial was held at the Johnson County Courthouse in Warrensburg, Missouri on September 23, 1870. Vest’s client, the broken-hearted owner of Old Drum, had sued the farmer for compensation. Vest brought the jury to tears when he said:        “The best friend a man has in this world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son or daughter that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and our good name, may become traitors to their faith…The people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honor when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our heads. The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous is his dog.”        The first six words of that paragraph, combined with the last three — “The best friend a man has...is his dog” — is traditionally credited as the origin of the dog-lovers’ saying we know today: “A dog is a man’s best friend.” (Sometimes given as “A man’s best friend is his dog.”)  You can read more about the Old Drum case in this post on my This Day In Quotes site.

THE MARX-FLAVORED VARIATION: “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”       Groucho Marx (1890-1977)        Legendary American comedian        This quip has been credited to Groucho since the 1970s. However, as noted in a post on the great Quote Investigator site, it doesn’t appear in his movies or written works and a similar joke was published in the February 1954 issue of Boys’ Life magazine, so he probably didn’t coin it.

THE INTENTIONALLY CREEPY VERSION: “A boy’s best friend is his mother.”        Actor Anthony Perkins, as the character Norman Bates, in Alfred Hitchcock’s classic film Psycho (1960)

THE UNINTENTIONALLY CREEPY VERSION: “Whoever said, ‘A dog is man’s best friend’ must have been a single fellow. As helpful and useful as all of God's creation would be to man, none of these animals were socially, intellectually, or sexually compatible to man.”        From “At The Beginning: A Study of Marriage”         An article posted on the Christian “electronic magazine” called “The Expository Files.” (Which are not related to The X Files…Or are they?)

THE GIRLS CLICHÉ IMMORTALIZED BY MARILYN: “A kiss on the hand may be quite continental, But diamonds are a girl’s best friend.”        From the song “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend,” written by songwriters Jule Styne and Leo Robin        This great song comes from the 1949 Broadway musical Gentleman Prefer Blondes, which was adapted from the 1925 book Gentleman Prefer Blondes, written by Anita Loos. It was introduced by Carol Channing in the original Broadway production. But for many people, the most remembered and iconic version was performed by Marilyn Monroe in the 1953 film version of Gentlemen Prefer Blondes.

THE COUNTERQUOTE TO THE GIRLS  CLICHÉ: “Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend never had a dog.”        A dog-lovers’ quote of anonymous origin that has reached meme level status in the Internet.        (The girls in the photo are my wife BJ and our dog Barbie Boo.)

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