“We don’t need no stinking badges!” (Or badgers!)

THE ORIGINAL 1948 MOVIE LINES: “Badges? We ain’t got no badges! We don’t need no badges! I don’t have to show you any stinking badges!”         Alfonso Bedoya, as the Mexican bandit “Gold Hat”        In the classic film The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, which was released in the U.S. on January 7, 1948                       Contrary to what many people think, the famous quote about “stinking badges” in the movie The Treasure of the Sierra Madre is not “We don’t need no stinking badges!” That’s a comic paraphrase of the words spoken in the film.        The movie’s famous lines are from a tense scene in which three American gold prospectors, played by Humphrey Bogart, Walter Huston and Tim Holt, are confronted by a group of heavily-armed Mexicans in a remote area of Mexico’s Sierra Madre mountains. The character who is the leader of the Mexicans, called “Gold Hat” in the credits, is played by Alfonso Bedoya.        He tells the prospectors: “We are federales. You know, the mounted police.”        Bogart says skeptically: “If you’re the police, where are your badges?”        Bedoya sneeringly responds: “Badges? We ain’t got no badges! We don’t need no badges! I don’t have to show you any stinking badges!”         In the 1927 book by B. Traven that inspired the film, Gold Hat’s answer is: “Badges, to god-damned hell with badges! We have no badges. In fact, we don’t need badges. I don’t have to show you any stinking badges, you god-damned cabron and ching’ tu madre.”

THE MONKEES’ 1967 VERSION: “Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!”        Mickey Dolenz         In a 1967 episode of The Monkees TV show (Season 2, Episode 1)        “We don’t need no stinking badges!” was made world famous when it was used in the 1974 Mel Brooks film Blazing Saddles. But that was not the first use.       In the Monkees episode “It’s A Nice Place To Visit,” originally aired on September 11, 1967, Mickey and two of his Monkees bandmates, Peter Tork and Michael Nesmith, dress up as Mexican bandits to save their singer Davy Jones from a “real” Mexican bandit. Before they leave to find Davy, Michael Nesmith says: “Wait a minute, don’t you think maybe we oughtta take something out with us, like a club card or some badges?”       Mickey replies with a heavy Mexican accent: “Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!”

THE MORE FAMOUS 1974 BLAZING SADDLES USE: “Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!”         Rick Garcia, playing a Mexican bandit         In the movie Blazing Saddles (1974)        This is the use that popularized those famed words and made it common for people to say “we don’t need no stinking [whatever]” as a joking comment about almost anything. The lines come in a scene in which the corrupt State Attorney General Hedley Lamarr, played by Harvey Korman, gives a sheriff’s badge to one of his Mexican bandit henchmen, played by Rick Garcia. Hedley says: “Be ready to attack Rock Ridge at noon tomorrow. Here’s your badge.”        Garcia throws the badge away and sneers: “Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges!”

THE 1989 BADGERS VARIATION: “Badgers? Badgers? We don’t need no stinking badgers.”          Trinidad Silva, playing TV show host Raul Hernandez        In the 1989 “Weird Al” Yankovic movie UHF         The character Raul Hernandez is the host of a low-budget show about animals called “Raul’s Wild Kingdom” in this gonzo movie. During one scene, a truck pulls up outside his house to deliver some new animals. The driver reads Raul a list of the animals in the shipment — which include three badgers.        Bogart says skeptically: Raul responds with an homage to the Monkees/Blazing Saddles quote by saying: “Badgers? Badgers? We don’t need no stinking badgers.”

THE BIBLICAL BADGERS VERSION: “BADGERS? BADGERS? WE DON’T NEED NO STINKING BADGERS.”        Noah        In a cartoon about Noah and the ark by Alex Barker, on his Cake or Death site

LUCINDA'S ATTITUDE TOWARD LIMOS: “I don’t have catering, I don’t have limousines. I’ve got Buick 6! I don’t need no stinking limo!”        Lucinda Williams        American rock, blues and country music singer and songwriter         A funny comment she made in a January 2017 interview about her latest concert tour. Her backup band includes three musicians who play together under the name “Buick 6.” They are bass player David Sutton, drummer Butch Norton and guitarist Stuart Mathis.

LASSIE’S ATTITUDE TOWARD LEASHES: “We Don’t Need No Stinkin Leashes!”       The slogan on a T-shirt I bought on Amazon, which features an image of dog dressed like Alfonso Bedoya’s Mexican bandit “Gold Hat” in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre.

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Charity, love and a prenup cover a multitude of sins...

THE FAMOUS BIBLICAL QUOTE: “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”          Saint Peter (c. 1 BC-c. 67 AD)        Galilean-born Apostle of Jesus and early Christian leader        His famous words in I Peter 4:8, as translated in the King James Bible. Most later version of the Bible use the word love in place of charity.        Chapter 4, Verse 8 of the “First Epistle of Peter” (usually referred to as I Peter 4:8) is the origin of the sayings “charity covers a multitude of sins” and “love covers a multitude of sins.” These reflect two different translations of a word originally written in Greek by Peter. Although most familiar Bible quotes are from the King James version, “love covers a multitude of sins” has become the more commonly heard version.        Peter actually used the Greek word agape for the thing that covers a multitude of sins. In the early Catholic Church’s Vulgate Bible and in the King James Version, agape was translated as charity. In later versions, it was translated as love. But in early Christian theology it didn’t quite mean what we now think of when we use either of those words. Agape refers to a more profound concept that can’t easily be translated into a single English word. It means a feeling of charitable compassion, empathy and non-romantic love toward other people, like the love God and Jesus Christ are said to have for mankind; a higher love that can look past and forgive — and thus “cover” and accept — other people’s faults and transgressions.         The famed Bible quote was not intended to mean that if someone gives enough alms to the poor or donates enough money to charities it will atone for or “cover up” their sins and let them get past St. Peter into the Pearly Gates of Heaven. Nonetheless, in common use, variations of the saying “charity covers a multitude of sins” are often used to suggest that doing or having a certain thing will hide or excuse something else.

THE #TRUMPBIBLE VERSION: “Love covers a multitude of sins. Sure. But you’d be nuts not to get a prenup. I mean, c’mon. #TrumpBible.”         Eric Metaxas        Pastor, author and radio show host        One of Metaxas's suggested additions to the funny faux Donald Trump quotes featured on the #TrumpBible Twitter page, which mocks Trump’s claim to be a Christian (and Trump in general). Illustration by Jordan Awan.

MOTHER TERESA’S POIGNANT VERSION: “The conditions under which the leper families live are terrible...Sometimes the pain is so great that I feel as if everything will break. The smile is a big cloak which covers a multitude of pains.”        Mother Teresa (1910-1997)        Albanian-born Catholic nun known for her humanitarian efforts in India        In a letter quoted in the book Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light: the Private Writings of the Saint of Calcutta (2007), edited by Brian Kolodiejchuk

OSCAR WILDE’S SOCIALIST VARIATION: “The proper aim is to try and reconstruct society on such a basis that poverty will be impossible... Charity creates a multitude of sins. There is also this to be said. It is immoral to use private property in order to alleviate the horrible evils that result from the institution of private property. It is both immoral and unfair.”        Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)        Irish playwright, poet, social critic and wit        In his essay “The Soul of Man Under Socialism” (1891)

CARL SAGAN’S OBSERVATION: “The word ‘god’ is used to cover a vast multitude of mutually exclusive ideas. And the distinctions are, I believe in some cases, intentionally fuzzed so that no one will be offended that people are not talking about their god.”        Carl Sagan (1934-1996)        American astronomer, astrophysicist, cosmologist and author         Remark in a lecture included in the book The Varieties of Scientific Experience: A Personal View of the Search for God (2007)

CAPTAIN KIRK’S QUIP: “That helmet covers a multitude of sins.”        Captain James T. Kirk (actor William Shatner)         Kirk makes this joking remark to Spock (Leonard Nimoy) in the Star Trek episode “Patterns of Force” (Season 2, Episode 21). He’s referring to the helmet Spock puts on during their visit to a planet run by a Nazi-inspired government. The helmet covers Spock’s pointed Vulcan ears, thus helping to hide the fact that he is an alien.

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“The power of Christ compels you!” … and the power of BTS ...

FAMOUS SATAN-BUSTING MOVIE QUOTE: “The power of Christ compels you!”        The words from the Catholic “Rite of Exorcism” repeated multiple times by the characters Father Merrin and Father Damien (played by Max von Sydow and Jason Miller) in the movie The Exorcist (1973), as they try to exorcize the demon that possesses Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair).         You can watch the scene where they chant the line as Regan floats in the air above her bed by clicking this link or the image at left.        It still gives me goosebumps.

THE ORIGIN OF THE FAMED LINE: “I adjure you, ancient serpent...to depart from this servant of God, whom almighty God has made in His image. Yield, therefore, yield not to my own person but to the minister of Christ. For it is the power of Christ that compels you.”         Part of the official Catholic “Rite of Exorcism”        The instructions for the rite explain that it should be used get rid of a demon in “the person possessed.” It adds the helpful tip that the afflicted party “should be bound if there is any danger.”

THE SOUTH KOREAN BOY BAND VARIATION: “Power of BTS Compels You: These BTS-Backed Phones Broke Pre-Order Records for Samsung.”          Headline of an August 2021 Rolling Stone magazine article about the surge in sales of Samsung mobile phones caused by the brand's use of the South Korean boy band BTS in promotional videos.

THE GHOSTBUSTING VERSION: “The power of Patty compels you!”         Line shouted by character Patty Tolan (played by Leslie Jones) in the the 2016 version of the movie Ghostbusters.        Patty yells this while slapping the face of her friend Abby Yates (actress Melissa McCarthy), in an attempt to exorcize the ghost that possesses Abby’s body.        It works. After the ghost leaves, Abby quips: “Ow! That’s gonna leave a mark.”

THE HOLY VAMPIRE BUSTER’S VERSION: “The Power of Christ Impales You!”         Ad tagline for the indie comedy-horror movie Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

ROBIN’S DEMON TURD: “The drugs make you so constipated, I thought they were gonna have to bring in a priest to do a f**king exorcism. ‘Demon turd, fall from his ass! The power of fiber compels you! The power of fiber compels you!’”        Robin Williams (1951-2014)        American comedian and actor        Riffing on the constipation caused by the pain medication he took after heart surgery, in his 2009 HBO special Weapons of Self-Destruction.

THE WEST GRAFFITI QUOTE: “THE POWER OF KANYE COMPELS YOU”        These words, spray-painted on a brick wall, gained attention when a photo showing Taylor Swift standing next to them was posted in various places on the internet.        Commenters on the photo debated whether it was the real Taylor Swift or an impersonator. Either way, given her famous feud with Kanye West, it ‘s kinda funny.

A TAYLOR SWIFT FAN’S COUNTERQUOTE: “THE POWER OF Taylor COMPELS YOU”         A Photoshopped version of the Kanye graffiti a Taylor Swift fan posted on her blog, with the comment “Fixed it.”

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The fine lines between stupid, clever – and various other things...

SPINAL TAP’S “SMELL THE GLOVE” PRINCIPLE: “It’s such a fine line between stupid…and clever.”        The legendary saying from the mockumentary This is Spinal Tap (1984)         This “quote” actually combines parts of consecutive lines spoken by two characters in the movie: Spinal Tap’s lead singer and rhythm guitarist, David St. Hubbins (played by Michael McKean) and the band’s bass player, Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer).        In the scene, the band members and their manager Ian Faith (Tony Hendra) are discussing the fact that the latest Spinal Tap album, Smell the Glove, had been criticized as sexist and banned by major retailers for featuring a photo of a greased, naked woman on all fours wearing a dog collar around her neck. Meanwhile, the album of a rival musician, Duke Fame, was selling well even though it had photos of several naked women on the cover. Ian explains that Duke is shown tied down and the women are whipping him in his album cover photo. Thus, Duke is the “victim,” so it’s not sexist.        Ian notes: “If we had all you guys tied up, that probably would have been fine...But it’s still a stupid cover.”        David muses: “It’s such a fine line between stupid and...”        Derek finishes the thought and creates the famed “quote” by adding: “And clever.”        David agrees: “Yeah, and clever.”         And, thus, the legendary saying was born.

THE CONGRESSIONAL VARIATION: “There’s a fine line between irony and hypocrisy. I’m not sure our political leaders in Congress understand either one. But at least that makes for some fine comedy!”         From a July 31, 2014 post on The Center for Justice & Democracy’s PopTort.com site         The post was about the news that the U.S. House of Representatives had passed a resolution authorizing Speaker John Boehner to sue President Obama for what Republicans say has been inadequate enforcement of “Obamacare” – the health care program they oppose.        (Cartoon by Steve Sack, political cartoonist for the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.)

THE CLIVEN BUNDY VARIATION: “There’s a fine line between a folk hero and a scofflaw.”          Editorial by the Nashua Telegraph, April 25, 2014        Commenting on Nevada cattle rancher Cliven Bundy, who had about “15 minutes of fame” for publicly thumbing his nose at federal laws and regulations regarding grazing of private cattle herds on public lands and refusing to pay the fees required to use those lands.        (Cartoon by Milt Priggee.)

ERMA’S OBSERVATION: “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt…How do you know laughter if there is no pain to compare it with?”        Erma Bombeck (1927-1996)        American humorist, newspaper columnist and author         From her book If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? (1985)

BLANCHE’S OBSERVATION: “There is a fine line between having a good time and being a wanton slut.”        Actress Rue McClanahan (1934-2010) as the character Blanche Devereaux        In an episode of the TV series The Golden Girls

THE FISHING VERSION: “There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot.”        Steven Wright        American comedian        A widely-repeated joke Wright used in his stand-up comedy routine in the early 1990s. It now appears on posters, t-shirts and other items and hundreds of Internet graphics and posts.

THE GARDENING VERSION: “There’s a fine line between gardening and madness.”        Actor John Ratzenberger, as the character Cliff Clavin        In an episode of the TV series Cheers         This one is for my wife Barbara Jo, a certified Master Gardener who spends much of her time maintaining the amazing subtropical botanical garden she created in our front and back yards – and for all those other avid gardeners out there who will understand why the joke is funny.

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“The opera ain’t over till the fat lady sings.”

THE FAMOUS SPORTS QUOTATION: “The opera ain’t over till the fat lady sings.”        Dan Cook (1926-2008)        San Antonio sports journalist and broadcaster        Cook is widely credited as the person who popularized this saying, though he probably didn’t coin it. According to a June 3, 1978 article in the Washington Post (cited by many sources), Cook first used it in his regular sports column in the San Antonio Express-News around 1975 or 1976.        In 1978, he said it during a sports show on San Antonio’s KENS-TV, while discussing the Washington Bullets basketball team. Bullets coach Dick Motta heard Cook say it and started using the line himself when talking about his team’s odds of winning the NBA championship that year. It soon became a popular slogan among Bullets fans. When the Bullets won the championship on July 7, 1978, Motta crowed: “The Fat Lady is singing.” Dan Cook later said that the lady he envisioned was an iconic, hefty female opera singer, the popular image many people have of characters like Brunnhilde in Richard Wagner’s Götterdämmerung).        The opera version of the saying may have been inspired by an earlier one used by African-Americans in the southern United States: “Church ain’t out till the fat lady sings” (a humorous reference to the sometimes plump ladies who sang hymns at church services).

THE TWINKIE OFFENSE: “The fat lady – the one who apparently ate too many 150-calorie, nutrition-free Twinkies – has sung...Hostess announced early this morning that it would ‘promptly’ liquidate the company immediately and lay off its nearly 19,000 workers. The trigger was a strike this month by members of the Bakery, Confectionery, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union. ‘We deeply regret the necessity of today's decision," Hostess said in a statement, "but we don't have the financial resources to weather an extended nationwide strike.’”        David A. Kaplan         American journalist        In a CNN/Fortune article about the news that Hostess Brands, maker of Wonder Bread, Ding Dongs, Ho Hos, and Twinkies, the “Golden Sponge Cake with Creamy Filling,” was planning to shut down due to financial woes and placing the blame on its union workers.

THE FEDERAL DEBT DEBATE VARIATION: “It isn’t over until the Tea Party squeals.”       Taylor Marsh         Political analyst and blogger         A comment in a post on her blog about the debate over America’s federal debt problem and the reluctance of Republican conservatives to increase taxes as part of the solution.

THE FRENCH BIKE RACE VARIATION: “[The] Tour de France...has been marred for years by performance-enhancing drug scandals. Forget ‘it ain’t over till the fat lady sings.’ In this event, ‘it ain’t over till the urine-sample lab results come back.’”        Greg Cote        Sportswriter for the Miami Herald        A quip about illegal “doping” by professional bike racers, in a sidebar of his sports column in July 2011

THE JAPANESE BASEBALL VERSION: “When the game is over, a fat lady will sing to us!”         A Japanese interpreter’s translation of the famed saying, as shown in subtitles, in the movie Mr. Baseball (1992)

THE LAST RITES VERSION: “It ain’t over till the fat priest reads extreme unction over your almost corpse. Oh, I forgot, the correct term has been changed from ‘extreme unction.’ Now it has been watered down to something like ‘anointing of the sick.’ God forbid that anyone might imply that the poor soul might actually be dying.”        David Skibbins        American novelist and psychotherapist         Lines spoken by a character in Skibbins’ mystery novel The Hanged Man (2008)        The quip refers to the Vatican II edicts issued by Pope Paul VI in 1965, which changed the name of the last rites Catholic priests give to dying people from the traditional phrase “Extreme Unction” to the nicer-sounding modern version, “Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick.”

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